I'm pretty blessed.Every once in a while, something happens in my life that makes me think about why we're all here. This morning, I was perusing Facebook and noticed one of my best friends had posted this link: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2079098/Ben-Breedlove-Video-sick-teenager-life-1-week-died.html - please take a few minutes to go and read/watch the video attached to the story.
Basically, it's about a teenager who had a life-threatening heart condition and he shares his life story through a series of index cards. But the saddest part is that he talks about how he beat death twice - and made this video a week before he passed away right before Christmas.
It's a great story, and I say that because it's one of those things that gets your mind thinking about why we're all here. I'm a Christian, I think by now that's pretty obvious, and frequently I'm reminded through the happenings of life how amazing Christ really is. Sometimes - well, maybe a lot of times, I don't understand Him or the way He works... but I never doubt that what happens in my life happens because it is a part of what He wants for me. After watching the video, it made me start to think about the way I've been living my life.
I think the end of the year always affords you an opportunity to re-examine your priorities, your life, the way that you live and what you want to change. Fortunately in this life, like the way the quote goes - "It is never too late to become who you might have been." And watching this video, on the cusp of 2012, there are a few things I want to accomplish:
1. Renew my walk with Christ so that, once again, I'm on FIRE for him. I haven't been the most disciplined about keeping up with my bible study and prayer life, and even though there's nothing that requires this as a Christian, I notice a difference myself when I lose sight of this. I want to get back to it.
2. Continue to grow as a woman and continue to discover who I am, what I want, where I'm going. I've made so many changes the past year, letting go of a terrible relationship and growing my career so that it approaches the point where I want it to be. I've really grown to draw lines of what I will and will not accept, what qualities I value in people and what I do not, and be okay living in my skin.
3. Following 2, I want to settle into a meaningful relationship - and (God-willing), have it be my last. I've been doing the dating thing, learning what my priorities are in a relationship and a possible husband... and while it's been a lot of fun, I'm getting to the point where I'd really like to settle down with one man and work toward building a future with him. I have a lot of friends married, engaged, having kids, etc and while earlier this year that would've been what I didn't want... my thoughts are evolving and these days, I think I'm back to the place of being okay settling down with the right man and giving up the overflowing "black book."
4. And for perhaps the easiest and most attainable goal: get my gun license and concealed carry permit. I am 100% in support of the right to bear arms, and I can't wait to be able to boast that I've earned my permit.
Watching the video also made me reflect on my character. Recently, a friend very astutely called me out. He said that he could tell I have a sweet heart and when I joked with him that he just didn't know me, he called me out and said that he knows I do, but I have a tough facade I try to show to protect myself and that I'm not really that tough.
It shocked me... because he's right. I do have a very sweet heart, but through some of the trials of the last year I've found that I've really put up a lot of walls and for the life of me I cannot remember why I kept them up. I love people, I love relationships, but I am hyper-sensitive to letting people into my heart because of so many experiences I've had before and it's difficult to open up sometimes.
I want to get back to who I really am. Be genteel, a sweet and kind spirit that loves freely and trusts God to protect her. I really don't think I'm too far removed from this part of who I am, and I'm actually excited to get back to my roots...
I have a feeling that 2012 is going to be abundantly full of Christ and His blessings. Even now as I type, an excited feeling is overcoming me because I just know that He is going to become more visible to me and I can't wait for that to happen.
My wish? That you feel the freedom to re-examine where you stand and that you experience the desire to redirect life, if necessary. It is so liberating to be honest with yourself, even if it's not the prettiest picture, because when you're honest is when you free yourself to grow and change for the better.
I pray that you experience the Peace that Ben Breedlove felt when he had his near-death experiences, the same peace that I get when I decide I'm done trying and I hand it over to God. It's not easy for this fire-cracker, pistol, independent & stubborn woman to do - but in 2012, I'm letting go & letting God.
Talk soon.
Parting thought:
It's that place in our lives where what we've been hanging on to... clinging to for dear life... is stripped away. It's that place in us where we let go of what we know, what we think we know, and what we want and surrender to the unknown. It is the place of saying and meaning, 'I don't know.' It means standing there with our hands empty for a while, sometimes watching everything we wanted disappear: our self image, our definition of who we thought we should be, the clones we've created of ourselves, the people we thought we had to have, the things we thought were so important to collect and surround ourselves with, the job we were certain was ours, the place we thought we'd live in all our lives.. surrender control to the supreme wisdom and authority of God and to the Divine in your soul. Step into the void with courage. Learn to say, "I don't know." That's not blind faith. It's pure faith that will allow God and your spirit to lead you wherever your soul wants and needs to go - Melody Beattie, "Finding Your Way Home"
