Author's note: If you have the ability, I'd suggest listening to this video as you read my lesson today: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TCunuL58odQ).
When I was younger, I studied classical music for 6 years, learning to play the violin and growing to appreciate the overwhelming beauty of classical composition from the seventeenth, eighteenth, and nineteenth centuries.
My favorite composer was Beethoven. We all know his story: his mother had 7 children, of which he was the oldest because several of them died. His abusive father would wake him up after a night of drinking and force him to practice for hours, which eventually propelled him into greatness. Later in his life he began to lose his hearing, until eventually he was completely deaf. Why would my heart choose him to be my favorite? Because you could hear the emotion in his compositions. I would imagine him, head near the piano as he violently pushed down on the keys, trying to hear the faintest slivers of sound through a growing curtain of deafness so that he could complete the masterpiece that played in his head. Some of his compositions bring me to tears as I think about what propelled him to create their sorrowful tones. Was it his childhood? The loneliness that enveloped his senses as he aged? We'll never know, although we do have a rare glimpse into his heart through two love letters that were found after his death. They contain such an aching for companionship and undying adoration, characterized by his unique use of the phrase "ever thine, ever mine, ever ours" as he recorded forever in time the depth of his love for this unnamed recipient of his soul. Can you imagine how it would feel to be the object of his affection to the point of becoming the focus of the thoughts of such a timeless genius?
I can.
His name is Jesus Christ. Over the past several months, I have been beseeching God's presence back in my life. At times, even passionately crying for a breaking in my spirit. "Kim, that may seem a little extreme. Why would anyone want to break? - and what kind of a God would do something like that to his follower?" A loving one. When I say "crying for a breaking," what that means to me is a release of all of the things that have kept me unhappy. If you ask those closest to me, they may tell you that at times (not all the time, but sometimes), I exhibit signs of having a "Type A" personality. I enjoy being a leader. I'm okay making decisions for a collective group. I have been known to challenge decisions, and authority. Sometimes my motivation is pure: I care deeply for people that I love. Other times, I like the chase of "winning." This may not sound abnormal to you - it may even sound like a lot of people that you know, but let me tell you what's wrong with it. When I try to "do it on my own," what that means is that I don't ask God for his opinion. And I don't know about you, but when I try to do things on my own, they don't always work out so well. IE: I pick someone to date based on what feels right, they end up being a jerk who bruises my heart. I jump into a career that isn't the right fit for me but looks great from the outside, and two years later I'm applying for 50 jobs a day. I make a choice because it looks like I'll get recognition at the end, I end up excluding other people from pitching it and damage relationships. Sound familiar?
This life, by looking at it through the world's eyes, is here to give us satisfaction, pleasure, and shiny things that make us feel good. This life, by God's eyes, is meant to teach us the character of who He is, what He has done for us, and what He wants to do to bring us closer to His heart. That may not sound as appealing to you as a nice car or a huge house, but let me tell you how it's MUCH more important.
There are nights we all have where we feel alone. Could we go out for dinner and drinks with friends? Maybe, but are those friends the ones who we come home with? No, eventually we'll be alone and they won't be there. Could we watch TV? Sure, but there may be things on there that don't give us the purest of thoughts or motivate us to be better people.
But as I grow in my walk with God, I realize something: He's always there. I have some of the most amazing relationships in the PLANET, but even with these great people, at times they fail me. I fight with them. They may lie to me. There are things I think and feel that I don't share with them because it may hurt them, or put distance in between us. Even though they are truly full of character, I can't depend on them fully because at times, we BOTH let each other down... and that's because we aren't perfect. We are imperfect people living in an imperfect world, where we expect the most and the best out of others but rarely deliver it ourselves. And that's just a function of living in a world where we have choices.
In a relationship with Christ, none of this exists - at least not mutually. In my walk with God, I find that I am the one who disappoints. I am the one who says I'll call when I don't (do my bible study every day), who makes plans and then blows them off when something better comes up (not going to church regularly), who says I completely understand Him and respect who he is but then turn around and talk badly about him (not living a life that reflects my close communion with him). Do you see the pattern? Yet instead of being the same back to me, what does He do? He waits up with the light on, holding the phone in his hand as he glances out the door for me to come home. Does God literally sit in a house waiting for us? Haha, no, he doesn't - there isn't one house in Heaven where he watches down from the clouds, staring at us. But he DOES watch us and yearn for us to want to come back to him. He's like that Dad that we all secretly wanted (at least those of us who are women), who would threaten the guys we brought home in case they didn't treat us right. He is always faithful, always forgiving, always patient, and never judges us wrongly. He just wants us. He wants a relationship with us, for us to choose Him instead of the next big thing.
Do we disappoint him? Some Christians may say yes, because we don't do what He's waiting for us to do (return to him) - but I say no. God doesn't set expectations for us that we don't meet, like we do with each other. God knows that after Adam and Eve and the Temptation, free will entered the equation and with that, so does living a life with a "human" (in the church, this is called "flesh") mind. He knows we'll choose the next big thing - and some of us do this most of our lives. But the cool thing is that He's still just waiting.
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| Blessed to have been given this man as my Dad on earth! |
He may not be like this to you, but that doesn't mean he isn't willing to be. Many people incorrectly blame God for the way the world is today - kind of like eating a bag of chips that you know are terrible for you and then blaming Lays because you get fat. Well, you chose to rip open the seal, didn't you? Your hand brought each salty potato sliver into your mouth - and YOUR mouth muscle broke it down for your tongue to swallow, right?
So how can you blame God when people murder each other? How can you point a finger at something that didn't light a match to burn a house down, or wasn't the one saying those hurtful things behind your back that eventually made their way into your ears? God doesn't hurt people, people hurt people. But a lot of times, the bad things in the world (famine, death, disease, tragedy, devastation) are blamed on God. As a Christian, people have asked me "How can you believe in a God who _______" and I always want to say, "God didn't do that. People did that."
People are quick to point a finger because they think God should stop all of the bad things in the world. Well, why? Why is it his responsibility to let us make decisions that are terrible, and then step in before we learn our lesson? That would be like a loving parent who lets their kid eat ice cream all day and then before they get sick from it, gives the kid an antacid so he doesn't throw up. God doesn't operate like that. He gives us the freedom to make our choices, and presents himself as the option - if we choose it. If he gave us obstacles in life but jumped in last minute to boost us over the marker, we would never learn to develop the muscles that propel us over on our own. He wants us to choose him -because choosing him, and not doing it ourselves, means that we need him and it gives him a chance to love us.
With regard to natural disasters (people always want to ask about that one), it's a little harder but it's the same answer. Even if we may not think we directly cause us, it's still a chance for us to turn to him. If we never hurt, we would never want answers, and we would never search for them and turn to him. People look at God as a punisher who watches and wants to hurt us - but nothing could be further from the truth! God is a faithful father who has to discipline us at times, but knows that we do need it.
Some of the best adults I know now, or grew up with, had parents who LOVED them deeply but also set boundaries - they will share stories with me of being grounded, or (God forbid!) being spanked. And they're some of the most successful people I know - because their parents loved them enough to teach them right from wrong, disciplining when necessary. I include myself in this - my parents, to anyone who knows them, are some of the best people on the planet. But I remember my butt hurting because a hand had slapped it when I spoke disrespectfully, or the time when I was crying and sobbing on my bed because I had to stop playing outside and go to bed early because I had said something awful to my siblings.
A loving parent disciplines. And I am so thankful my parents did - and that God does.
Last week, I watched the new show on the Discover Channel called The Bible. Many of you have heard about this, or watched it for yourself. I don't know if it's because of some of the things going on in my life, or if it's a result of the changes God has started to make, but I channel surfed on over to DC and was enthralled for two and a half hours. The Bible is nothing new, I have been a Christian for well over 22 years, but it is only the past few years when I have truly discovered who Jesus is in my life. And watching this show, as I have said a million times over the past few days, all I can do is sit in awe.
I am so overwhelmed. Not in a bad way. I am so overwhelmed to see how much Jesus loves us - loves me. There's something about the joy on his face as he spoke to his followers, sharing the news of God and the glory that waits for those who choose to follow him. Last Sunday, I saw his face as he cried out to God the night of the Last Supper, beseeching Him for an answer. I saw Judas betray him, I saw the crown of thorns glisten on his head as he was pushed through the streets of the city, struggling under the massive weight of the cross and as people jeered at him from the safety of the sidewalk. But through it all: I saw his love for me. The only thought in my head was this: "He loved me so much, He did that." My heart cried out to him, asking how I deserved such a gift. His answer?
"Yes, all for you."I mean, how do you accept a gift like that? Someone who loves us so much he went through what many still, to this day, deem the most excruciating way to die - so that I, thousands of years later, could choose Life over a life of the next best things. So that I could choose to profess my faith in a blog to people who may never otherwise hear the story of his love for us. To have been blessed with the long, painful, at times scary burden of Melanoma so that I can declare not just the disease I once had, but the God who healed me and saved me from it.
I'm sitting here on a Saturday morning, sandwiched between Good Friday and Easter Sunday. As a Christian, to me this means that yesterday morning, thousands of years ago on a hand-constructed cross of rough wooden beams located between two thieves on a mountain called Calvary, Jesus Christ sacrificed his life - his blameless life, of no sin, of only breathing so that he could share the news of the God who waits to love us - so that I can choose to follow Him. Tomorrow, thousands of years ago, He will have risen from the dead, the debt and sacrifice completed so that I can live to tell about it. And if you are reading this and are not a Christian, he did this for you too. Not just me. Not just the pastor you saw on TV yesterday - for all of us.
So let's review.
Us before God: empty, lonely, disappointed in people all the time, angry when we don't get what we want, short-lived excitement when we do because then we want more.
Us after God: forgiven. Living a life of joy, because we know someone loves us so much he literally died for us. Fully accepted, so we don't look to people to meet our needs (and then experience the disappointment I just mentioned above). Feeling like we're always home no matter where we physically are, just because God lives with us and lives beside us every day.
What sounds like a better option? I can speak from both sides of the coin, and I can say with certainty that for the Us After God, the grass is not just "greener," the grass is permanently lush on this side.
There are something like 600 places of worship in Charlotte, North Carolina. Most of them will be open on Easter Sunday. Why don't you check one of them out? Go and see what the Us after God option is all about. If you don't want to go to church, then watch The Bible (8pm, Discover Channel) for yourself tomorrow night. You will come away absolutely rocked. I bet your life on it.
Parting thoughts:
The Lord is like a father to his children, tender and compassionate to those who fear him - psalm 103.13
And if you take anything away from today: "You didn't choose me. I chose you." john 15.16
Talk soon.
