Through The Silence, I Hear Him

My God is not absent.

A lot of times, people think that God's not in their lives because he hasn't given them what they want, when they want it.  Today in church, my pastor reflected on the last lesson of a series they've been doing called "God Is..." and the goal is to try to sum up Jesus Christ in 30 minutes. Okay, obviously Jehovah cannot be canned into a 30 minute speech... but there are a few very important things I've taken away from the series.

The main, and most vital, lesson about this is that God is always there.  Even when you can't sense him.  You can't hear him.  You can't see him.  As my sister said about this photo: and in the midst of silence, you hear Him most.  She's totally right.  Sometimes in the middle of the storm, it's easy to lose track of his voice.  Sometimes the wind is ripping the things that you've held dear out of your life by the roots and you feel like you'll never get them back.  Sometimes the biting, driving rain pelts your skin so hard that you feel like the pain won't ever end.  For me, sometimes the cold and the lonliness of the winter makes me feel like no one will ever understand what I'm going through.  But sometimes, in those quiet moments when you're alone and there's no one else around, you hear the voice of Jesus Christ whisper to the innermost part of who you are and it suddenly all clicks.  He's been there the whole time, but we really haven't been listening.  Or, maybe we were listening but there were too many distractions preventing us from understanding.

One time, my oldest brother said something to me that hit the nail squarely on the head for where I was at that time in my life.  He told me, "Kim, I know where you are.  You're in a room with seven CD players all blasting music at full impact and you just don't know what to do."  He was right - sometimes I have so much "noise" in my life that I can't really see what God's trying to show me... or, sometimes it's just that I don't want to see.  I know I'm not alone in making that choice, and I'm not ashamed to admit that because it's the truth.  Sometimes what God is requiring of me is the most painful choice I have to make, given my options.  But as I think about who my God really is, I understand that it isn't that God is some angry man in the sky...

The truth about Jesus Christ is that he loves and adores us more than we could ever possibly hope to understand, and he's waiting patiently for us to turn to him and say "Hey God? Can you turn off the music?" We weren't created to endure nonstop heartache, we were created to have the urge to turn to someone to make it all better.  The mistake we make is to turn to people and expect them to provide the band-aids we need.  The solution is to realize that God's band-aid is the only one that will fit.

Another realization I've had is that I don't have to fight my way through life anymore.  Just like an angry, growling pit bull guarding a junk yard, Jesus Christ is prepared to station himself at the door of your heart and protect its precious contents.  He doesn't get distracted by cuts and bruises in a battle.  He sends in his warriors to fight on your behalf so that you don't have to.  Granted, choosing to let Him take over can sometimes be the most painful part of it.  Whether it's your finances, your relationships, your wants and desires and dreams for your future... sometimes you may feel like you know better than He does.  

But, you couldn't be more wrong.

GOD knows what's best for us even when we think we know ourselves.  He did create us, after all... so why not let the creator of who you are show you how he can protect you?  I always tell people that if the creator of the universe, the entity that crafted the stars in the dark night sky, the oceans that pulse over the surface of this Earth, and the millions of unique people that walk this planet... if He did all of that but he still took his precious time to craft you and make you unlike anyone else, don't you think he cares about you?

Lately, I've been letting him fight my battles.  I have scars to prove I tried to fight some on my own, but the wisdom those lessons afforded me are still something I wouldn't trade for anything.  I have tumbled and fallen to the bottom of the hill, scraped, bloody, bruised, and looked up to see a hand that pulled me to my feet to wipe away the tears and make it all better.  If I hadn't tumbled, I wouldn't have learned who He is.

As one of the guest pastors of my church said a few weeks ago, "If we didn't experience the pain of loss, how would we know of God's provision?"  It isn't until you're at the end of yourself that you can see His purpose for your life.  The journey is full of potholes, cliffs, rifts in the road, and you'll fall into them.  That's pretty much a given.  But when you make your way out with His help, you can't imagine the sunset you experience as the way you knew your life before, ends.

I'm telling you, that view, like the picture above, makes the entire journey worth it.

Parting thought:

Though at times the storms and stress of life
may cause my faith to quake,
the very faithfulness of God
no storm shall ever shake.
Though I may quake and tremble,
may worry and may sorrow,
God in His faithfulness will see
me through each new tomorrow.
I think God allows our problems
to give our faith a test,
to show that as we lean on Him
we can trust His faithfulness.
God warned us we'd face troubles
in this world we're living in
but Jesus died and lives again
to save our soul from sin.
He came not to change the world
but to change our heart and soul,
to give us hope and courage
to attain our fondest goal…
to blaze a trail before us
guide us safely through the "morrow,
to teach us and to comfort us
despite this world of sorrows,
if we keep faith and follow
God in His constant faithfulness
will surely lead us through
and will in time all grief arrest.
All we need to do is trust Him,
believe, just do our best,
to follow as He leads us
and let Him do the rest.
In Christ we can not be defeated
in this world by anything
if instead of being overwhelmed
we trust God in everything.
By trusting in God"s faithfulness,
in His omnipotence,
we too can overcome the world
and live with confidence.
God understands our weakness,
knows where we're coming from
but by trusting in His faithfulness
our own faith will overcome.
God wants us to lean on Him
when problems come around.
Faith is getting up again
more times than we are down.
God will carry us if need be
in those times we're hardest hit
if we believe, just lean on Him
and don't give up and quit.
He will not leave us for a moment.
Even in troubles we are blest
for God is always with us
and we can trust His faithfulness.

- A Bromley

Talk soon.

*Images above used with permission of Illuminare.Images*

A Swiftly Passing Moment

Sometimes, I'll just be driving in my car and I'll have an epiphany: I'm not so young anymore.

I know this year marks the 24th of my life. I know that. And to some people, it may seem like it's ridiculous to say that I feel like I'm already old... but to be honest, I've been through so much already in this life that it feels sometimes like I am an old soul.

So on these days when I have this realization, I always think of when I go to the beach, and I pick up a handful of glittery golden sand.  I like sand on the beach at night because it's cool to the touch and it just feels softer.  I love to pick up a handful of sand and let the grains slowly and gracefully sift their gritty way through my fingertips, back to its foreign home as a neighbor to the sea.

Life's a lot like that sand.  I'll never be able to pick up the same grains again, no matter how carefully I drop the grains or how particular I am with how it falls back to the ground.  And like the slow motion of the sand drifting back to the sea of gold under my toes, I'll never be able to get back a moment of my life after it's passed.

Even just this week, the world has lost three big names in the race of life.  And as I have endured one trial after another these past few days, I've allowed room for introspection.  What is TRULY important?  If I only get that handful of sand back, what would I have done differently?

So lately I've been trying to enjoy my life with each new day.  Laugh.  Drink a second glass of your favorite wine.  When you feel the urge to go talk to someone you don't know- do it.  The other day I ran into an old high school teacher whose faith and kind spirit always stood out to me - so I told him, even though there's no way he remembered who I was.  I walked away really glad that I had, because you never know how God is going to use you or what you say to someone else.

Buy a hammock and swing on it on a quiet summer night with someone that you care about- stare at the stars, open yourself up to them.  Take time to play an extra five minutes with your dog.  Go for a run before a rainstorm, enjoy the fresh air that accompanies the thunder.  There are so many things in this world that are so easy to do and that can seriously improve the quality of your life if you'll just stop to enjoy them.  I lost my grandfather last year, suddenly, and to this day I still wish he was here so that I could call him and we could rant about the crappy job our president is doing, or talk about golf, or have him rib me because I promised to send him something that I haven't gotten around to yet.  My heart aches sometimes because I know he isn't coming back to me - but as much as I miss him, I don't regret anything because he left this earth and he knew exactly how much I loved him.  I'd always take a minute to call him on Veteran's Day, or tell him how much I appreciated him when I was hanging out with my Dad and we called him together.  That ache won't go away, but the satisfaction of knowing I chose to take a minute to enjoy my grandfather as he was will always stay with me.

I have the battle scars to prove that life on this Earth is anything but easy.  Frankly, my scars are nothing compared to those of Jesus Christ, so when I have a bad or difficult day, I try to keep it in perspective.  He's blessed us with the neverending gift of a brand new day every 24 hours.  Tomorrow, use yours to go and do something unexpected.  And as you do this,

Enjoy the satisfaction of knowing you are living a life well lived.

Parting thought: 

Do not pray for easy lives; pray to be stronger men. Do not pray for tasks equal to your powers;pray for powers equal to your tasks. Then the doing of your work shall be no miracle, but you shall be a miracle. Every day you shall wonder at yourself, at the richness of life which has come to you by the grace of God. - Phillips Brooks

Talk soon.

*Image used with permission from Illuminare.Images*

Don't Put A Question Mark Where God Puts a Period.

Life, and love, are very complicated.  To say that someone has "mastered the game" would be a ridiculous comment to make.  No one can ever completely figure out the opposite sex, it is a physical impossibility- no matter how many dates you go on, no matter what kind of personality or upbringing you have.  No way.

I frequently tell my best friends that we aren't getting any younger.  And as we pass the time we've been given on this earth, I've come to realize a few things.  I'd really like to share these things with you - part of me really hopes that through all of the things I've learned and experienced, someone out there sees they're not the only ones to struggle with the things I've struggled with.  Today, I'd like to take you on a little journey as we talk about what the big curly-headed angel with the bow and arrow has been teaching me.

One, absolutely never, under any circumstances, should you settle.  Not once.  I think that people, and in this case, men (because I'm primarily speaking to the ladies) see women for who they *are,* not who they try to be.  The worst thing that you can do is change yourself to please someone else.  God doesn't make mistakes, in my opinion, and he made you exactly the way you are for a reason.  For example, I struggle with the scars I've had made from all of my melanoma surgeries... but lately, I've come to embrace them.  They're who I am, they are my story, and they are me.  I hope that you readers know that you are beautiful the way that you are, there's no reason to change that masterpiece to fit the ideals of someone else.  And in coming with this piece of advice, comes the idea that you should absolutely have standards when you date.  Don't accept someone into your life just because they're a body who calls you when you don't have plans.  Accept someone into your life because you can't imagine yourself without them.  And don't falter in your beliefs just to appease someone else... don't let go of God because it isn't popular, don't dress fancy because he wears Polo, don't let go of your love of country because he's into Metal.  Always keep the integrity of who you are and who you want to be, and refuse to give that up for anyone in life- love interest or platonic friend.  The greatest gift you've been given is the person that you will become, and there is no reason for you to change that just for someone who is a fleeting interest.

Besides, the right guy will treasure you for exactly who you are - faults, disagreements, grungy days.

I put a picture of my brother and my best friend up because that's the focus of what I want to talk about today.  For those of you who don't know (and if you don't know, you must not know me, because I talk about it all the time!) my oldest brother, my beloved brother, is marrying a fantastic woman in a few months.  Their relationship hasn't been easy, or perfect, but they've shown me that a desire to truly love someone to the core of who they are IS enough to make a relationship last.  I've been so inspired by their love story because it shows me that true, healthy love can and does exist in this world.  If I had to pick something to share with you about my emotions about the wedding, it's Joy.  Joy because it shows true love IS possible.   Joy because good, Christian men ARE out there.  Joy because as a woman, it shows that you don't have to sacrifice who you are to be able to find the man of your dreams - Sara's a fantastic woman inside and out, she has the gentlest nature I've ever seen in anyone in my entire life, and she and John together are the kind of couple that make you say "I want what they have."  It's a blessing in my life to be able to see this kind of relationship - and although I've had some great relationships in my time, these two give me something to aspire to.

You don't have to know them to know what they have.  And you don't have to wait forever until you can have your own version.  A lot of people are surprised at the stances that I have made in my life.  I credit my entire life course to Jesus Christ.  He made me who I am, even through the moments when I tried to turn away; he brought me back to life.  And as I give him my dating, my love story, and whoever he brings into my life and allows to stay - he will still be in control.  I have a lot of self-respect, and the things I'd like to share with you today are simple.

1: Let the man call.  Men were built emotionally to be the pursuer, the hunter, and no matter how many times he says he likes a woman who calls - inside, he doesn't.  He wants to be the one to call.  (Besides, I've always said, if a guy wants to talk - he'll call you).

2. Respect yourself, and the (right) guy will respect you.  Sadly, this doesn't apply to all men - but the good ones respect stands that you make, and won't push you to break them.  This is usually a great way to weed out the losers.

3. Take your time.  There's no need to rush things.  You may not be getting any younger but you're also aging at a slow pace, and you don't need to get an engagement ring on the second date.  Dating is about finding out who you are, what you like in someone and what you don't like - it should never be a race to the finite finish line! Things crash and burn too easily when they haven't had time to perfect themselves.  Dating is no different.

4. Maintain your own identity.  I understand in a relationship, it's perfectly natural to want to share your life with someone.  But that is all it should be - sharing.  Not forgoing 2 separate identities just because you're dating exclusively.  I say that you should each have your own life and then allow the other person into yours.  Never sacrifice your own identity, your own desires, your own hobbies and interest, for anyone else.

5. Enjoy yourself.  I've learned, at times the hard way, not to take life too seriously.  Be silly.  Try new restaurants and foods (just yesterday I was told I needed to "expand my horizons" by trying a spider sushi roll... I said "Whatever" and went with it - and it was good!).  Watch a movie genre you've never seen.  LAUGH.  Whatever you do, this time in our lives was meant to be a time we always remember with fond memories.  Don't go and waste that time on someone who doesn't deserve it - or you.

I hope, above all, that you see that a really great and healthy love is possible for everyone.  I am in love with the music of a guy named Brandon Heath.  He sings some phenomenal Christian music, but my favorite song is called "Let's Make It Last."  I want to leave you with these lyrics, and one more thing.  During one of the most painful experiences in my life, my mom said this to me.  Whenever something happens my mind instantly travels back to this - as you live your life, live it according to this thought:

Parting thought: 

 "It won't always be this way." - my beautiful Mom.

Talk soon.

"Let's Make It Last"

Brandon Heath

Off the "Don't Get Comfortable" album.

Rain come down tonight

Except for the bump on my head I'm feeling all right

Dancing to our favorite tune

I pulled you in way too soon

Bang when the drums we went boom

Yeah

Running through the yard

Splashing through puddles with you without regard

Do you think the neighbors will care

So what if they do, they'll just stare

The kids will all say its not fair

The way that we love

The way that we laugh

It's something worth seeing

So let's make it last

Let's make it last

Come some sunny day

We'll call in sick to our jobs

What will we say

She's coming down with a flue

I think that I'm catching it too

This is what love makes you do

The way that we love 

The way that we laugh

It's something worth seeing

So let's make it last 

(Photo courtesy of MC Photography)