Life, and love, are very complicated. To say that someone has "mastered the game" would be a ridiculous comment to make. No one can ever completely figure out the opposite sex, it is a physical impossibility- no matter how many dates you go on, no matter what kind of personality or upbringing you have. No way.
I frequently tell my best friends that we aren't getting any younger. And as we pass the time we've been given on this earth, I've come to realize a few things. I'd really like to share these things with you - part of me really hopes that through all of the things I've learned and experienced, someone out there sees they're not the only ones to struggle with the things I've struggled with. Today, I'd like to take you on a little journey as we talk about what the big curly-headed angel with the bow and arrow has been teaching me.
One, absolutely never, under any circumstances, should you settle. Not once. I think that people, and in this case, men (because I'm primarily speaking to the ladies) see women for who they *are,* not who they try to be. The worst thing that you can do is change yourself to please someone else. God doesn't make mistakes, in my opinion, and he made you exactly the way you are for a reason. For example, I struggle with the scars I've had made from all of my melanoma surgeries... but lately, I've come to embrace them. They're who I am, they are my story, and they are me. I hope that you readers know that you are beautiful the way that you are, there's no reason to change that masterpiece to fit the ideals of someone else. And in coming with this piece of advice, comes the idea that you should absolutely have standards when you date. Don't accept someone into your life just because they're a body who calls you when you don't have plans. Accept someone into your life because you can't imagine yourself without them. And don't falter in your beliefs just to appease someone else... don't let go of God because it isn't popular, don't dress fancy because he wears Polo, don't let go of your love of country because he's into Metal. Always keep the integrity of who you are and who you want to be, and refuse to give that up for anyone in life- love interest or platonic friend. The greatest gift you've been given is the person that you will become, and there is no reason for you to change that just for someone who is a fleeting interest.
Besides, the right guy will treasure you for exactly who you are - faults, disagreements, grungy days.
I put a picture of my brother and my best friend up because that's the focus of what I want to talk about today. For those of you who don't know (and if you don't know, you must not know me, because I talk about it all the time!) my oldest brother, my beloved brother, is marrying a fantastic woman in a few months. Their relationship hasn't been easy, or perfect, but they've shown me that a desire to truly love someone to the core of who they are IS enough to make a relationship last. I've been so inspired by their love story because it shows me that true, healthy love can and does exist in this world. If I had to pick something to share with you about my emotions about the wedding, it's Joy. Joy because it shows true love IS possible. Joy because good, Christian men ARE out there. Joy because as a woman, it shows that you don't have to sacrifice who you are to be able to find the man of your dreams - Sara's a fantastic woman inside and out, she has the gentlest nature I've ever seen in anyone in my entire life, and she and John together are the kind of couple that make you say "I want what they have." It's a blessing in my life to be able to see this kind of relationship - and although I've had some great relationships in my time, these two give me something to aspire to.
You don't have to know them to know what they have. And you don't have to wait forever until you can have your own version. A lot of people are surprised at the stances that I have made in my life. I credit my entire life course to Jesus Christ. He made me who I am, even through the moments when I tried to turn away; he brought me back to life. And as I give him my dating, my love story, and whoever he brings into my life and allows to stay - he will still be in control. I have a lot of self-respect, and the things I'd like to share with you today are simple.
1: Let the man call. Men were built emotionally to be the pursuer, the hunter, and no matter how many times he says he likes a woman who calls - inside, he doesn't. He wants to be the one to call. (Besides, I've always said, if a guy wants to talk - he'll call you).
2. Respect yourself, and the (right) guy will respect you. Sadly, this doesn't apply to all men - but the good ones respect stands that you make, and won't push you to break them. This is usually a great way to weed out the losers.
3. Take your time. There's no need to rush things. You may not be getting any younger but you're also aging at a slow pace, and you don't need to get an engagement ring on the second date. Dating is about finding out who you are, what you like in someone and what you don't like - it should never be a race to the finite finish line! Things crash and burn too easily when they haven't had time to perfect themselves. Dating is no different.
4. Maintain your own identity. I understand in a relationship, it's perfectly natural to want to share your life with someone. But that is all it should be - sharing. Not forgoing 2 separate identities just because you're dating exclusively. I say that you should each have your own life and then allow the other person into yours. Never sacrifice your own identity, your own desires, your own hobbies and interest, for anyone else.
5. Enjoy yourself. I've learned, at times the hard way, not to take life too seriously. Be silly. Try new restaurants and foods (just yesterday I was told I needed to "expand my horizons" by trying a spider sushi roll... I said "Whatever" and went with it - and it was good!). Watch a movie genre you've never seen. LAUGH. Whatever you do, this time in our lives was meant to be a time we always remember with fond memories. Don't go and waste that time on someone who doesn't deserve it - or you.
I hope, above all, that you see that a really great and healthy love is possible for everyone. I am in love with the music of a guy named Brandon Heath. He sings some phenomenal Christian music, but my favorite song is called "Let's Make It Last." I want to leave you with these lyrics, and one more thing. During one of the most painful experiences in my life, my mom said this to me. Whenever something happens my mind instantly travels back to this - as you live your life, live it according to this thought:
Parting thought:
"It won't always be this way." - my beautiful Mom.
Talk soon.
"Let's Make It Last"
Brandon Heath
Off the "Don't Get Comfortable" album.
Rain come down tonight
Except for the bump on my head I'm feeling all right
Dancing to our favorite tune
I pulled you in way too soon
Bang when the drums we went boom
Yeah
Running through the yard
Splashing through puddles with you without regard
Do you think the neighbors will care
So what if they do, they'll just stare
The kids will all say its not fair
The way that we love
The way that we laugh
It's something worth seeing
So let's make it last
Let's make it last
Come some sunny day
We'll call in sick to our jobs
What will we say
She's coming down with a flue
I think that I'm catching it too
This is what love makes you do
The way that we love
The way that we laugh
It's something worth seeing
So let's make it last
(Photo courtesy of MC Photography)
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