As I'm writing this, I won't deny that tears are falling down my cheeks.
I've mentioned on here before that I love this country with everything that I have in me. That's not a secret, I've made it pretty clear! But what I haven't shared is that this war in Afghanistan is about to get personal. That's because someone very special, who has been in my life for over 13 years, is going to be deploying to the infantry of the front lines of that country today to defend our freedom. He'll be gone for 7 months, and the reason why I'm crying is because it's a very real fear that exists that there is always a chance he won't come home. That reality is too painful to consider, but to be honest, it's there.
The troops of our brave men and women in the military that defend our freedom, our honor, our ability to live a normal life fight every day and sometimes, pay the ultimate price for our freedom with their lives. It's easy for us to forget exactly how costly this war has become, not in terms of fiscal burdens but in terms of emotion. This man in my life leaves behind loving parents, a sister and a future brother in law, countless friends- and me. I've cared for him since we were young, and those feelings don't go away. I love him. He knows this, I know, and as I send him off from the Carolinas (can't be in Alaska for the official goodbye), I send him off knowing he understands my heart and my thoughts.
Sometimes, I wonder if that's enough. Painful things happen in this life, and sometimes that pain catches us off-guard with a sucker-punch to the ribs as it steals away our breath. And as my sister and I talk about life and what it means that this man is leaving... it really makes me think about the times in my life I've loved and lost. Death is final, at least while we're on Earth - and then it changes when we get to Heaven. I lost a dear friend in high school unexpectedly- but I've never been more sure of anyone that I'd see them again in Heaven than when Drew went to be with the Lord. Grandparents, uncles, even other friends, I've had to say goodbye to. Some I was blessed enough to lose with no regrets, others not so much. But isn't that the point of this life? We're supposed to live each day, fully, as they happen - and not pine for the days that have already passed.
This life was not meant to be lived with our nose buried in our past mistakes. I've grown to believe even more recently that God intends for us to accept his forgiveness for our sins but to use that grace that he gives us, and show other people the true meaning of this life. I'd like to share a few fundamentals that my trials and tribulations have revealed to me:
1: Live fully. Putting up walls to keep out pain only prevents you from accepting love, grace, forgiveness, and even joy - all things that make this painful life worth living.
2: Have no regrets. Jesus Christ gave forgiveness for everyone when he sacrificed his life on the cross for us at that hill on Calvary, so why can't you accept it? As you come to him and ask him to forgive you for cussing at your brother, for cutting off that lady at the traffic light - he forgives you and then lets it go. According to 1 Corinthians 13, "love keeps no record of wrongs." And since Jesus Christ is in love with you ... looks like you're in luck.
3. Never let a day go by without telling someone how you feel. Waiting as long as I have to speak freely with someone about something I should have said awhile ago made me grateful for the chance I had to talk with him before he left. I was able to tell my grandfather and my grandmother that I loved them close to when they passed. I've totally ended my relationship with the man I thought that I was going to marry, the one I'd mentioned before, because I realized that he wasn't who God intended for me and I knew it was over (HUGE change, but a good one, nonetheless. I'm glad I did it!) I'm glad I ended it though- for myself. And I am glad that I have begun to live my life a day at a time, telling my loved ones and the special people in my life how much they mean to me. I don't do it out of fear that I'll never get the chance again - I do it because I truly want them to know how I feel.
This life is far too short to plan ahead, as I'm learning. That takes the focus off of what you could be doing right now to enjoy life, and wastes valuable time by looking ahead. And as my soldier leaves the ground of the grand United States of America, hopefully I'll begin to treasure each day specifically as it's given to me. No more planning into next year, no more organizing or arranging so that life flows. Life flows the best when it's lived as it was intended: a dinner, a burst of loud raucous laughter, or a movie at a time. Here's to hoping that you, too, can realize how precious time and life are - and seize the moment. We're only given one life.
Let's do it up right.
Parting thought:
Just be - my mom.
*Photo used with permission if Illuminare.Images*
