Today in church, Pastor Furtick said something that made my mind wander. We started a new series called "Give. Me. Faith." He was talking about the refining process in life, and how God does allow things to mold and break us so that we grow to become the men and women that He created us to be.
It made me think. I love the band Jars of Clay, and so does Jeb, the man I'm dating. We listen to it in the car sometimes, and as Pastor Furtick was talking about the refining process I thought back to when I was a lot younger and I realized where Jars of Clay got their name from. It's from the bible verse in 2 Corinthians 4 that states: 7But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us. 8We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; 9persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed. I'm sure that they have their own reason for naming the band, but partly it was based on this verse. And as I got to seriously thinking about what this verse means, I got a visual picture of how a clay pot is formed.
As the potter takes the wet clay and puts it on the spinning stone where he will fashion it into a pot, there are a few steps that you have to follow. The first is that you place the clay on the wheel. Then, you press the spinner pedal as he takes his hands and moves them up and down, shaping the clay to stand and then pressing it down back again onto the wheel to condition the clay to be workable. Then, as he continues to press the pedal, he gently kneads the clay into the shape of the pot he desires, smoothing out imperfections and rounding his hands up and down and in and out, making sure that no spot or blemish goes un-smoothed. After the clay has been smashed back to the wheel and reworked, and after it has been shaped by the potter, it is then glazed and fired in an intense oven for a variable amount of time before it comes out, a beautiful representation of hard work and a lot of time.
We're that clay pot. As Pastor Furtick spoke about the refining process and I got the visual of the clay pot, it hit home more than ever that Jesus Christ is the potter and we are the clay. He gently places us in situations where we have no clue what to do, we're new clay that has yet to be conditioned. As the situation unfolds, He provides us with wisdom and strength (when we're smart enough to turn to him) as He works his hands over and in our lives so as to smooth out our blemishes. Once we think we've been through the ringer and there's not much left to learn- that we've learned it all, He finishes the process by firing us up to bring out any more impurities. Once we've been through the fire and we've come out the other side, we're a priceless vessel that's the perfect example of how Jesus Christ is always present in our lives, no matter if we like what he's doing or if we do not. We couldn't become a finished product without the fire or without the spinning wheel or even without the hands that shaped us, even when we were stubborn clay that fell and collapsed and did everything it could not to cooperate with the hands of the potter.
I'm going through a refining process in my own life right now where God's trying to teach me that HE is sufficient. I don't need to do things on my own anymore, and he's put people in my life to prove to me that sometimes it's okay to lean on them. I don't exactly know why he's doing what he's doing, but I can tell you this: as much as I don't like the process, I thank the Lord that he loves me too much to let me stay the way I am. It hurts, a lot, and sometimes I get so frustrated because I can't see what he's trying to show me. But that's a part of my life, that's a part of this world, and I share it with you because I want you to know you aren't alone.
We all struggle. I'm going to go for honest disclosure here because that's the point of this blog: since I was 8 years old, I've been very headstrong and very independent because of my parents' divorce. I learned from an early age to not lean on anyone, to try to be totally self-sufficient emotionally and mentally and not to depend on anyone but myself. In my walk with God, it's been difficult for me to give up "control" that I think I have and accept that I can't do it, that I have to have His help. In my relationships, it's meant that I do everything I can to help myself and fix my life and then with whatever is left that I couldn't fix, I would only share parts of my heart with those that were in my life because that way, they can't fail and hurt me because I haven't really let them in.
I mentioned that I'm dating someone, and part of the biggest lesson I've learned by dating Jeb is that you can't have any kind of a healthy relationship without talking honestly about everything- even when you're upset and in the middle of a fight, or when you're so tired you can't even find the words. I've seen that some of the times when I've felt the closest to him were after we had an argument and I sacrificed my pride and told him exactly why I was upset instead of turning and walking away from the issue. These are the moments when I, or he, have been totally honest with each other and I've felt an "AHA!" moment because another wall was broken down for me and as a result of that, also in our relationship. I know that I couldn't have had that moment a year, even six months, ago because I wasn't at the point in my process where I wanted to make the sacrifice to have a healthy relationship with anyone. I've learned that letting him in has been worth the sacrifice, I'm learning to lean on someone because I really think God wanted me to learn that it's okay to do that, as long as I keep my eyes focused on the cross and on His sufficiency in my life, and recognize the earthly help as a blessing from him. My God is sufficient, He is enough, He is faithful, but sometimes, it's in his plan for people on earth to help us and for us to let them in. Now I am, and I can tell you, without the process, I wouldn't be where I am. And I'm beginning to really like where I am.
Another thing Pastor Steven mentioned today was a lot about what it means to have "old fashioned faith." There was one thing he said that stuck with me, and that was this: "Old fashioned faith means that you don't know what God will provide or do, but you believe in Him and His power even if He doesn't do it." That's seriously deep, because he's talking about a faith that remains even when circumstances, even when feelings and emotions, even when everyone in our life is telling us that we're wrong, even when everything fails us - we choose to believe that He is God.
It's a daily choice, it's a daily conditioning of the mind, and choosing to pick up your cross and follow Him is one of the easiest things to say but most difficult things that we're probably every going to have to do. I have a feeling, deep in my heart, that we're all capable of doing this- even if we have to sacrifice or do things that make us feel uncomfortable because it's change and it's new.
Brother, or sister, as you read this, I hope you hear the sincerity of my heart and the truth of what I've shared. I've been down this road. It never ends, it's full of potholes, peaks, valleys, rainy thunderstorms and torrential downpours. If you've been on this road, we've passed each other, so I hope that you understand you're not alone. Neither of us are, because even when we're being fired in the kiln of this earth, our potter is always beside us, making sure that we come out as he intended after it's over. I love my best friends and my family and Jeb, but there is no love for them that matches what love I have for the potter. For it is the potter, and the potter only, that has loved me and is conditioning me to set me free from the struggles and pains of this world.
He is Sufficient.
He is Faithful.
He is Neverending.
And I hope that you question your life as you read about mine, because the Potter's waiting for you to begin to wonder about Him. He'll never stop.
Parting thought:
After the refining process has begun, there are different places where you can really experience the freedom of a life lived with Him. Sometimes I liken these moments to the flight of an Eagle, and I love this bible verse in Isaiah 40: (31) But those who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength, they shall mount up with wings like eagles. They shall run and not be weary, they shall walk and not be faint.
Talk soon.
*Note: If you're curious about my amazing pastor or the phenomenal sermons that I experience every Sunday, check out www.elevationchurch.com - be careful, it'll be a life-changing experience*
