Te Amo

There are things in this life that somehow manage to knock me off my feet and leave me shaking my head to figure out what happened.

I can never forget my daily battle with skin cancer. That's kind of a given. But whenever I hear that someone I love, or even that I know, has cancer... something really just hits me to my core and it takes me a little longer than most to process the news.

A good friend of mine died last week of colon cancer. He was so young, in his 70's, and in my mind - too young to have to surrender the battle to this terrible disease. He was a good man, he worked with me at my (now old) job in the mailroom, and was the biggest source of encouragement in my battle of skin cancer. I remember with fondness all of the times he would come to my desk, knowing that I had an upcoming biopsy or recurring visit, and he'd always ask me in his thick Cuban accent, "What day do you go?" I'd answer a day or two ahead and he'd say "You will win. I know this, you will be fine. But I will pray." And he'd go on about his day like he hadn't just renewed my spirits in my fight.

He would always do that, sometimes two or three times a day - speak a word of victory over me as I prepared myself to mentally revisit the lion's den to see if my battle had been extended out again. I will never forget how I felt as I watched him walk away - that I had someone really in my corner, who understood. It may not sound like he did much, but what he did helped me more than what most people tried to say. He got it. He was in his own battle, and he knew what I needed to hear. Not ask me how I felt, not ask details of the procedure, just a simple, matter-of-fact statement and he was gone.

When I got the news he passed, I felt like my gut had been punched. Juan had been sick for awhile and I'd never made it to his house, life got in the way and I didn't make time like I now wish I had. Life is full of 20/20 hindsight, and I had to learn a powerful lesson with the passing of my friend. But I was able to go and say goodbye to him in the hospital, and while there I told him how much of an encouragement he'd been in my life, and how he was such a good man and it had been an honor to know him.

As I reflect on this recent loss, it's natural to examine my life as a whole. Juan left a legacy, he's literally one of two people I've lost who I knew with absolute certainty where they were going. It gives me peace knowing he isn't suffering any longer, in fact he's walking with our Father and he's loving every minute of it. I will see him again in a time not too far away, so for now, my pain and sadness are for my loss, not his. But I think about the people in my life... all of the ones who are beside me, loving me, day in and day out.

I think about a very large change I'm about to endure. I've procured a new position with the American Cancer Society - and for those of you who know me even for a few days, you know how perfect this job will be for me. Especially with losing Juan, and my grandfather over 15 years ago to prostate cancer, this fight is personal. I'm ready to get out there and make a difference - and finally be able to channel my passion to fight this disease.

But I also think about my life as a whole. Am I where I want to be? Am I a person I would want to get to know if I were someone else? Losing Juan really did shake me, and I've been a little unsure over the past few days about the path I'm about to embark on. I do know a few things.

I'm in love, a deep and healthy love, with a wonderful man. He is everything I've ever wanted, and even on our worst days, I can't imagine my life without him. We know with certainty we want a future together, so these days I'm just relaxing into our relationship and enjoying him for the amazing person he is, inside and out.

I seriously have a phenomenal family. My parents have always stuck by me, even when I'm sure I drove them crazy with my antics (ha), but they've been so strong for me over the past 25 years of my life and I could not be more blessed. My brothers and sisterS are amazing, and my brother's girlfriend is like another sister to me. My family is probably the best in the world (I know I'm biased, but I'm just saying!)

And my friends. I've reconnected with several college girlfriends and we have too much fun... and aside from them, I've made some awesome friendships (and I love my best friend, even if she's in Boston, eww).

I've gone through patches that weren't easy in life, I've been miserable in my job for a long time, but now with all of these new opportunities and the people I have by my side, I can't wait for a new chapter. And as I think about my dear friend and where he has gone before me, all I can say to you all is just one thing: Carpe diem! Seize this day, because time is fleeting and its so important to cherish what and who we have, while we have it. You never know when time will run out and we will be called home.

Parting thought:

Don't ever spend one minute of your time wishing your life away. Tomorrow will be here before you know it - Laura Kealy Widdows (love&miss you, mm&pp)

Talk soon.