And Then I Started Thinking...

I'm pretty blessed.

Every once in a while, something happens in my life that makes me think about why we're all here. This morning, I was perusing Facebook and noticed one of my best friends had posted this link: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2079098/Ben-Breedlove-Video-sick-teenager-life-1-week-died.html - please take a few minutes to go and read/watch the video attached to the story.

Basically, it's about a teenager who had a life-threatening heart condition and he shares his life story through a series of index cards. But the saddest part is that he talks about how he beat death twice - and made this video a week before he passed away right before Christmas.

It's a great story, and I say that because it's one of those things that gets your mind thinking about why we're all here. I'm a Christian, I think by now that's pretty obvious, and frequently I'm reminded through the happenings of life how amazing Christ really is. Sometimes - well, maybe a lot of times, I don't understand Him or the way He works... but I never doubt that what happens in my life happens because it is a part of what He wants for me. After watching the video, it made me start to think about the way I've been living my life.

I think the end of the year always affords you an opportunity to re-examine your priorities, your life, the way that you live and what you want to change. Fortunately in this life, like the way the quote goes - "It is never too late to become who you might have been." And watching this video, on the cusp of 2012, there are a few things I want to accomplish:

1. Renew my walk with Christ so that, once again, I'm on FIRE for him. I haven't been the most disciplined about keeping up with my bible study and prayer life, and even though there's nothing that requires this as a Christian, I notice a difference myself when I lose sight of this. I want to get back to it.

2. Continue to grow as a woman and continue to discover who I am, what I want, where I'm going. I've made so many changes the past year, letting go of a terrible relationship and growing my career so that it approaches the point where I want it to be. I've really grown to draw lines of what I will and will not accept, what qualities I value in people and what I do not, and be okay living in my skin.

3. Following 2, I want to settle into a meaningful relationship - and (God-willing), have it be my last. I've been doing the dating thing, learning what my priorities are in a relationship and a possible husband... and while it's been a lot of fun, I'm getting to the point where I'd really like to settle down with one man and work toward building a future with him. I have a lot of friends married, engaged, having kids, etc and while earlier this year that would've been what I didn't want... my thoughts are evolving and these days, I think I'm back to the place of being okay settling down with the right man and giving up the overflowing "black book."

4. And for perhaps the easiest and most attainable goal: get my gun license and concealed carry permit. I am 100% in support of the right to bear arms, and I can't wait to be able to boast that I've earned my permit.

Watching the video also made me reflect on my character. Recently, a friend very astutely called me out. He said that he could tell I have a sweet heart and when I joked with him that he just didn't know me, he called me out and said that he knows I do, but I have a tough facade I try to show to protect myself and that I'm not really that tough.

It shocked me... because he's right. I do have a very sweet heart, but through some of the trials of the last year I've found that I've really put up a lot of walls and for the life of me I cannot remember why I kept them up. I love people, I love relationships, but I am hyper-sensitive to letting people into my heart because of so many experiences I've had before and it's difficult to open up sometimes.

I want to get back to who I really am. Be genteel, a sweet and kind spirit that loves freely and trusts God to protect her. I really don't think I'm too far removed from this part of who I am, and I'm actually excited to get back to my roots...

I have a feeling that 2012 is going to be abundantly full of Christ and His blessings. Even now as I type, an excited feeling is overcoming me because I just know that He is going to become more visible to me and I can't wait for that to happen.

My wish? That you feel the freedom to re-examine where you stand and that you experience the desire to redirect life, if necessary. It is so liberating to be honest with yourself, even if it's not the prettiest picture, because when you're honest is when you free yourself to grow and change for the better.

I pray that you experience the Peace that Ben Breedlove felt when he had his near-death experiences, the same peace that I get when I decide I'm done trying and I hand it over to God. It's not easy for this fire-cracker, pistol, independent & stubborn woman to do - but in 2012, I'm letting go & letting God.

Talk soon.

Parting thought:

It's that place in our lives where what we've been hanging on to... clinging to for dear life... is stripped away. It's that place in us where we let go of what we know, what we think we know, and what we want and surrender to the unknown. It is the place of saying and meaning, 'I don't know.' It means standing there with our hands empty for a while, sometimes watching everything we wanted disappear: our self image, our definition of who we thought we should be, the clones we've created of ourselves, the people we thought we had to have, the things we thought were so important to collect and surround ourselves with, the job we were certain was ours, the place we thought we'd live in all our lives.. surrender control to the supreme wisdom and authority of God and to the Divine in your soul. Step into the void with courage. Learn to say, "I don't know." That's not blind faith. It's pure faith that will allow God and your spirit to lead you wherever your soul wants and needs to go - Melody Beattie, "Finding Your Way Home"

Have We Forgotten?

One of my favorite books at one point was "A Tree Grows in Brooklyn." I don't know what it was, I think just the setting of the book (Brooklyn, early 1900s) fascinated me at an earlier age and I would daydream about what life had been like. I liked the irony of the title because it is rare to see a tree in the middle of Brooklyn that hasn't been planted in a pot. About a month ago, my little sister and I were in mid-town NYC walking to the Subway and I passed the flag above my head. I remembered that book and its title, and as the red, white, and blue flapped gracefully in the summer wind, it made me think of something else: September 11th was just around the corner. And I thought about how it felt to be standing underneath the flag, "a flag waves in Manhattan," with the anniversary of this day coming so quickly.

It's here now. And, as I am so incredibly blessed, I was able to spend the day surrounded by family and friends that love me. I laughed a lot and reflected a lot about this day 10 years ago - like many Americans have done and are doing today - and where I was. In typical Chid fashion, we sat around the dinner table and I said I felt like we should talk about our 9/11/01 experiences. Everyone shared their moment of horror, intense memories welling up as we reminisced about the day that changed our lives. I didn't know, but my mom's boyfriend had lost a dear friend as the Towers fell, and he told us about what that man had been life, a brand-new first time father that was slaving away in the top of one of the towers as it was attacked. And then, it was my turn.

We all have a story about that day. I won't share mine, but I will say I watched every single part of the attack literally from the moment of the first plane and on. I still to this day can't talk about the men and women shown, jumping out of the windows with debris falling around them, without bawling. Even as I type this, my heart aches knowing how much so many people lost on that day.

It would be so easy to turn this day into another politicalized one - but I won't. I won't because we don't need another day like that right now.

But I will tell you what occurred to me today as I looked around the table at my beautiful, invaluable family. There were tears tonight - but there was laughter. There was sadness and even some grief, but there was joy. But above all - there was Christ. My (soon to be step-) cousin wrote on his Facebook status that we need to forgive the terrorists, isn't that what Jesus would want? And in his young age of 17 - he's right. I did not personally lose anyone in the Twin Towers but I know many who did, and as I reflect on a day 10 years ago that was filled with so much hatred from the terrorists who hate America - I also remember the love that overcame it.

The father who ran back into the tower to help the kindergarden class touring the Towers on a field trip. The young man with the red bandanna who escorted victim after victim out of the burning building until the last one came out, without him. The fireman who worked the 24, 48, 72 consecutive hour shift because he wouldn't rest until his unit was complete and all his men were in their bunks. The mother of young children who kept it together when she realized her husband on the 78th floor hadn't been as fortunate as the other victims and wasn't coming home.

These were the patriots. These who gave their lives or changed their lives because they were called to something higher than serving their own interests and just leaving the building in time. They went back in and didn't think twice.

So the terrorists who thought they won because they took the lives of over 3,000 Americans? I have a message for you: You didn't win.

You lost - because we grew stronger. 10 years later and we will still remember. We will still have our flag memorials in honor of lives lost. We will still volunteer and serve just to do something. We will still bow our heads to pray to the God that IS a peaceful God, the one who saved us when you tried so hard to destroy us. We will still raise the red, white, and blue and fly it as high as we can because you didn't destroy our spirit - you solidified it. Every year, the memory of that day fades a little more into the daily pattern of our lives but it will not disintegrate. We will never let go and we will never forget.

Because this country and her people are rooted on a foundation based on the biblical principles of Jesus Christ. We forgive, not because we want to, but because we are called to. And we refuse to give you any more control over how we feel or what we do - because we live life according to what He calls us to do, not how we feel.

As we part our ways on this 10th Anniversary of 9/11, may we always remember - john 15.13 "there is no greater sacrifice than a man who lays down his life for his brother."

To the American patriots who gave the greatest sacrifice: we will never forget.

there's beauty in the breakdown.

There are so many thoughts running through my mind and my heart right now - but as I've had this blog post simmering on the backburner of my mind for the past few weeks, I have to share something God has really been impressing on me:

Run to me.

Run for dear life

when life threatens to drag you down.

Run to me when you are overwhelmed,

When your heart aches and your soul is weary.

Run to me when you have nowhere to go,

When the walls feel like they're closing in.

Run to me when you can't run away from me any more.

Run to me, Beloved, and I will rescue you.

I don't know if that has any meaning for you, but it's become my lifeline. I have to share something with you. I have been to the Blue Ridge in Boone so many times I can't even tell you - it's where my sister took the picture above this. Sometimes, I find a rock to sit on and I just breathe in what I see. Have you ever hiked to the top of a mountain before? Especially in the winter, when you look around all you see are peak and valley after peak and valley. Sometimes I literally can't breath because I am so overtaken with awe by the scenery and the majesty around me.

My God is like those mountains: limitless. Awe-inspiring and yet very commanding because of the quiet power that sits in those blues and greens that rest quietly for hundreds of years. They are steadfast: they don't go anywhere, you can always count on them to be there when you take your trip and hike to the highest points they offer.

I'm going through a tough time right now. I have shared with you over the past few weeks that I have chosen to give up everything my heart desires to chase God with wild abandon, seeking Him as my life's love and giving up all the "rights" I thought I had for anything more until He gives it to me. It's been the most painful season of my life because I am giving up the very deepest desires of my heart to follow Him - the desire to find true love.

I use this blog as a way to be transparent on this journey in life so that if anyone else goes through something difficult, they can see they aren't alone. So it is that transparency that drives me to tell you that all I've ever wanted in life is to get married and have my own family. I think there's something about that dream that's ingrained in most women from birth, but I have wanted it for so long that it's just a part of who I am. And the breakup I had a few weeks ago has been hard because I really thought he was The One.

He's a great guy but he isn't The One for me - at least not at this moment in our lives. And when I realized that, I also realized I'm done trying to find that man on my own. God will bring him to me when I'm ready, and until then, it's time to give God a chance to win my heart - and keep it. Maya Angelou said "A woman's heart should be so hidden in God that a man has to seek Him just to find her," and I couldn't agree more.

But are we really strong enough to let go of those desires and trust God? I was at the Christian bookstore a few weeks ago buying my new bible study, and I picked up a book called "The Heart Of A Woman." A quote in it tugged at the strings of my heart because it's so true:

"... I didn't feel like I was growing as a woman.

I just felt tired. Like Snow White, my heart fell into a deep slumber.

I know I am not alone in this either.

As woman we still long for intimacy and adventure;

each of us longs to be the Beauty of some great story."

How true is that? Don't we really, truly want to be honored and treasured like the star of a great love story? And if that's at the root of who we are as women - how do we just let those desires go?

You realize that it's much better to be the Beauty of God's love story than your own, and that once we fall in love with Him it'll be so much easier to fall in love with the Right One, when God leads him to us. It'll happen if and when it's supposed to, no matter if we do anything or not. Nothing we can do will rush this part of God's plan for our lives, so embrace the precious time you have now to fall in love with Christ so that that love and that strong foundation lasts through all of the rest of life's peaks and valleys. Because they will come, and it's so much better to live a life based on a solid walk with Christ because he leads us through the dark times and the good, the sweet, joy-filled moments and the ones where our heart breaks.

I was recently talking to my oldest brother about some discouragement I've been dealing with, and he said something so true to me: he said "this is like when you break a bone, and you didn't have it set right the first time so it has to be re-broken so it can heal correctly." Sometimes when God wants us to learn something and we haven't, he'll try again and the second time around it may hurt more. This is NOT because he's an unkind or harsh God - it's because he loves us so much and he wants us to grow so much that knowing how headstrong we are, he knows it'll take a little more to get our attention.

When you were young and you broke a rule, Mom and Dad punished you. When did you learn the lesson: when you were sent to a corner, or when they lightly slapped you on the hand and you tried it again? Sometimes it takes a time-out for it to sink in, and I will just say this: I'm so thankful I have a God who loves me enough to keep trying to teach me the lesson he wants me to learn. Because even though it's painful now, I have absolutely no doubt that when I look back to this season of my life after some time has passed, I will remember the pain but I will also whole-heartedly remember how close I drew to Him as my heart broke, and how much I learned about his love, intense and undying, that he has for me.

I'd pick a love like that any day. Give me Jesus.

Parting thought:

"But now, God's message, the God who made you in the first place, Jacob, the one who got you started, Israel: "Don't be afraid, I've redeemed you. I've called your name. You're mine. When you're in over your head, I'll be there with you. When you're in rough waters, you will not go down. When you're between a rock and a hard place, it won't be a dead end - because I am God, your personal God, the Holy of Israel, your savior. I paid a huge price for you: all of Egypt, with rich Cush and Seba thrown in! That's how much you mean to me! I'd sell off the whole world to get you back, trade the creation just for you" - Isaiah 43:1-4, The Message

Talk soon.

Its A Revolution

Obedience.

What does this word really mean? When we're kids, it means that when our parents say the word "no," either we push back if we're really strong-willed and independent, or we know it means shape up quickly or we'll lose something we don't want to give up. As adults, it becomes a slightly stranger concept because a lot of people don't feel like they have anyone they really need to answer to - unless you're a Christian. "Okay... what does that mean?" you may wonder.

Well, as a Christian, you recognize God as the authority figure in your life and when you accept Him as savior, you also accept His will as final and superior to your own. Even a strong Christian struggles with this sometimes, and in my quest to stay transparent I wanted to let you in on my journey.

Literally, obedience means the act or practice of obeying; dutiful or submissive compliance. But it means so much more to me now than it ever has. Many of you may have known I've been dating someone for the past (nearly) 10 months. We had SO much in common, but as time went on, I began to feel as though the relationship became something that wasn't right for me, at least not right now. I will love him because of what he was to my life, but as I began to sense a shift in my heart about how I felt in the relationship, I felt more distant from God and I knew that was heading toward a danger zone. No one is perfect in their walk, but as a Christian of many years, when I began to hear Him less and feel Him less, I change what I'm doing and correct the situation. I prayed for weeks that God would give me wisdom about what decision to make and that he would make it unmistakable to me. (For those of you who do not know me very well, I'm incredibly headstrong and it isn't difficult for me to convince people to see my side of an argument!) I didn't want to disobey God, and I knew what that request meant.

I'd been dating him for 10 months, and it was about the time when women start to re-examine the relationship and evaluate if it's heading somewhere serious or if maybe things need to be re-evaluated. My parents had a messy divorce when I was young and I will not repeat their mistakes, so I take my relationships probably a little more seriously than a lot of people my age and I think about things a lot more than my incredibly impulsive peers.

I began to feel less peace in my spirit and more and more distance from my ex. When that happened, I couldn't mistake what God had laid upon my heart - He was calling me to trust him and step out in obedience. It's the great and the difficult thing about God. He wants ALL of you to himself and he will not compromise. He won't settle for a sliver of your soul, he wants all of it. And for the first time in my life - I wanted to give Him everything! My hopes, my dreams, my deepest desires - including marriage, which is a sacred hope to most women. When my God knocked on the door of my heart, I flung open the door and told him to redecorate and spring clean however he wanted.

It's been difficult, but so incredibly rewarding. I had lost parts of who I was, which was the worst part because I really do love who I am. My middle name is Joy, and I know that when my relationship with God is where I want it to be, I live that out loud. Trusting God's will for me and knowing he's got something great in store for me has made this process so much more intimate for me as I really dig into the Scriptures and my bible study and church sermons to search for Him and his presence even more than I ever have.

Once I decided to repurpose my life on that night when I ended things, I reached out to both my pastor and one of my dearest friends (and accountability partner) at church, asking them about what Obedience really means to a Christian. I had been told once that it is okay to petition God to ask Him for things when you "obey him" and give something up. That was a little skewed to what "rights" we really have as Christians. The answer to that is simple: none.

We can't expect or demand things of God. I'm sure he has a nice laugh when we do, because that's not how this faith thing works. Well, when he calls us to something and we obey, what can we expect?

1. Sometimes it can hurt. Okay, a lot of times it hurts. But that's just because our will for our lives is often not what God's will for our lives turns out to be, and that pain comes from letting go of what our heart longs for and asking for God to replace it with what HE wants for us instead. The transition aches but it is ultimately SO incredibly worth it, because what we'll get in return is what is right for us.

2. According to my sweet sister, obedience is a lot about perspective. We can't ever really sacrifice enough for God. It isn't about giving and taking - it's about God's name being glorified. Ultimately, our lives are not our own anyway if we're living them for Christ.

3. Last: Psalm 30:5. "For his anger is but for a moment, His favor is for a lifetime. Weeping may last for the night, but joy comes in the morning." Joy! It's coming! Defined as a source of cause of delight, when you have a Christ-given joy, it spills out of you. It's contagious, like laughter at an inside joke with a best friend, or a story recounted to family that gets everyone going. People feel it and people crave it, just like happiness and peace. It's okay to have a period of time to grieve if you're giving up something that you really held close to your heart, but isn't it so much better to receive God-given joy in return?

I think so. I have a new song in my heart today that isn't going away - I prayed and prayed that God would fill my cup to overflowing and he has answered my prayer. I may have a moment here or there where my heart aches for what I deeply desire - an amazing relationship with a Godly man, a family - but in His time, I will get all of that and it is going to be SO amazing!

This morning in church we sang "Oh How He Loves Us." The worship was so powerful tears crowded under my lashes and I fought to not let them spill out at these beautiful words:

And we are His portion and He is our prize

Drawn to redemption by the grace in His eyes

If his grace is an ocean, we're all sinking

Imagine that. To be totally overtaken by an intense love so powerful God would do anything for us that we ask of His will... friends, until you discover the redemption of your life, it's hard to understand how it feels, but all I can tell you is that it has been So worth it to pursue Christ. My pastor said today that sometimes God pulls back from us in certain circumstances so that we will pursue Him more. When you abandon everything and run after Him, the reward is so rich all you'll care about is spending more time with Him.

Take my bet. Try it for yourself. And when you come out the other side, we'll talk ;)

Talk soon.

Parting thought:

After every dark age, there's a renaissance - David Neipert

Abba, Papa, Daddy, Father

One night a few weeks ago, I was driving home in the dark and we were having a fantastic lightening storm. I remember when I was a kid, my parents would take all 4 of us outside with popcorn and blankets to our wrap-around front porch and the 6 of us would watch the lightening dance across the Carolina sky: purples, blues, and even reds displaying a scene across the natural canvas unlike anything I'd ever seen. And watching the lightening storm a few weeks ago, summer air buzzing with electricity and rushing into my open windows, I reflected upon my life. The past few months have been a little hard. To confess, I lost sight of my relationship with Christ and I've felt a discernable shift in my attitude and my heart. The great news is that with my God, there is always redemption! No matter how far away I fall I can ALWAYS come back. And in watching that lightening storm, I felt my story playing out across the heavens. With each flash, the darkness of the world around me was illuminated and I saw trees, houses, roads and other cars as though it was daytime - and once the strike had ended, I was plunged back into a barely lit scenery.

It hit me, hard, that life is like a lightening storm. As we pass through the path of life, our attention staid to the center and (often in our own might), trying to not look left or stumble right, the darkness around us is lit up with flashes of God's brilliance, showing us what's around us for just a moment so that we keep on going.

We have so much to be thankful for, so many things of praise that should be exiting our lips and falling upon God's ears - but it is SO easy to get distracted and caught up in the things of this world. That is what I've done. As I struggled with life through different - and not uncommon - obstacles, my attention was focused more on what was around me off the path, and not on realizing that no matter what was to the side, what was in front of me straight ahead was much better.

Through the love of an always faithful father who will pursue me until I walk the streets of Gold beside him, I have realized my error and have wholeheartedly given myself back to that straight path. No use in beating myself up about anything, because God only cares that we want Him again. I'm doing a Beth Moore bible study called "A Heart Like His," and it is amazing because it seems like even if days or weeks pass before I do a lesson, the one I open my page to is exactly what I need! (God's funny like that, isn't he?) I did one two nights ago about how God blesses and honors the obedient, those who realize they can't live a life without Him and want nothing more than for Him to rescue them from their decisions.

As always with both bible studies and reading the Word in general, several verses stick out to me. If you have a second to read an amazing book of scripture, open your bible to 2 Samuel 22. It's in the Old Testament, and it is so moving with the encouragement it contains. A little background on it: David is crying out and praising God for God's saving of him from Saul and his other enemies. What I read moved me so much because I have been in his place, suddenly freed from the grips of something that felt so large I would never escape it. Friends, I hope the following versus bless your heart as much as they saved mine!

v7: In my distress I called upon the Lord, to my God I called. From his temple he heard my voice, and my cry came to his ears.

v17-20: He reached from on high, he took me, he drew me out of mighty waters. He delivered me from my strong enemy, from those who hated me, for they were too mighty for me. They came upon me in the day of my calamity, but the Lord was my stay. He brought me out into a broad place, he delivered me, because he delighted in me.

And the one verse that soothed my soul:

v31: This God - his way is perfect; the promise of the Lord proves true; he is a shield for all who take refuge in him.

The Message, which is a modern day Bible, states redemption this way:

v21-25: God made my life complete when I placed all the pieces before him. When I cleaned up my act, he gave me a fresh start. Indeed, I've kept alert to God's ways, I haven't taken God for granted. Every day I review the way he works, I try not to miss a trick. I feel put back together and I'm watching my step. God rewrote the text of my life when I opened the book of my heart to his eyes.

and my favorite! v29-31: Suddenly, God, your light floods my path, God drives out the darkness. I smash the bands of marauders, I vault the high fences. What a God! His road stretches straight and smooth. Every God-direction is road-tested. Everyone who runs toward him makes it.

Just like those lightening storms where everything is dark, God will give us bursts of his presence that light our way - when we seek him. I'd choose a light lit with his Glory any day over a life lived in darkness, running into obstacles at every turn because I have nothing to light my path.

Friend, I don't know where you are on your journey with Him, but I will tell you where I am on mine. I've reclaimed my place on my path to Him in this life, giving up my desires every day and taking up my cross to live a life governed by HIS desires, not mine. I've tried to do things "my way or the highway," and I tell you that resulted in a big crash!

Joshua 1:7 states "Only be strong and courageous, be careful to act in accordance with the law that my servant Moses commanded you, do not turn from it to the right or to the left, so that you may be successful wherever you go."

Stay on the path where you seek Him, where you desire His will, and your life will be filled with more joy and peace than anything you'd ever be able to find on your own. Coming from a self-professed head-strong independent woman, when I have sacrificed my will and asked God for his, the peace that came to my soul made me realize how much I had been missing by not relying on God to provide direction to me.

No matter what you think you can do on your own, God's provision for you will put it to shame! Why not try it and see where it takes you?

Go grab some popcorn and a blanket, sit on the front porch and watch the strikes of light of God's glory light your path. The view is spectacular when you get to enjoy it, rather than create it.

Talk soon.

A little boy was eagerly looking forward to the birthday party of a friend who lived only a few blocks away. When the day finally arrived, a blizzard made the sidewalks and roads nearly impassable. The lad’s father, sensing the danger, hesitated to let his son go. The youngster reacted tearfully. “But Dad,” he pleaded, “all the other kids will be there. Their parents are letting them go.” The father thought for a moment, then replied softly, “All right, you may go.” Surprised but overjoyed, the boy bundled up and plunged into the raging storm. The driving snow made visibility almost impossible, and it took him more than half an hour to trudge the short distance to the party. As he rang the doorbell, he turned briefly to look out into the storm. His eye caught the shadow of a retreating figure. It was his father. He had followed his son’s every step to make sure he arrived safely.

He's never too far away to protect you.

Mephibosheth

Friends!

It has been far too long since I last wrote here and shared my heart with you. So much has happened over the past little while and I have much to share. I started at my new job, recently bought a new car, and have really settled into my new career and accepted all of the rippling changes that were caused.

Because this is a forum of honesty (at least on my behalf!) I want to share with you some of what I'm struggling with. I have a terrible track record of staying consistent in my bible study and going to church every single Sunday. I know our relationship with Christ is all about choice, so I'll admit I haven't made the best ones to pursue my growth in the relationship I do have with him. However, through encouragement from my pastor and his AMAZING wife, I have come to realize how vital both parts of the equation can be. I have vowed to change this, and so when I found myself with some free time this morning before an appointment, I decided to have some quiet time with the main man in my life.

The story was about David, and how he desperately wanted to find someone in Saul's family to uplift and restore with his kingdom, in honor of his friend Jonathan. His servant suggested Saul's son Mephibosheth, who happened to be lame in his legs. David welcomed Mephibosheth to eat at his table as his son, and restored not only his name but also Saul's kingdom to him and his lineage.

Those of you who know me know I love any story of Redemption (hence my ink). What better redemption than for a man to have his shame removed and his name restored? The part of the story that brought tears to my eyes (and cheeks) was when this crippled man fell to his knees in front of David and asked why David wanted anything to do with him, who he called lower than the dogs. Can you imagine that? Beth Moore, who writes my bible study, painted a picture of the pain that it would have taken for this shamed, humiliated man to bend his broken knees and fall to the ground. And to consider himself so low that he wasn't worthy of looking at David - just because of a decision someone in his family made.

I mention this story this morning because of the truth behind this man, and what it taught me about Christ and his unending love for us, totally devoid of any requirements. The literal comparison is that no matter WHAT mistakes we made or someone made that affected us, it does not lower our worth in the slightest. Not one bit. Your parents could have done something to hurt you or change your life, a friend could have wronged you, you could have made a misstep in this journey we call life that you aren't proud of - but none of it matters, because God wants to welcome us to his table again and restore our name.

I can't think of a more wonderful way to be accepted by Christ - can you? "Hey, I know you lied/deceived/didn't give 100% of yourself on that project, but hey- it's okay! I know you, I know who you are, and I love you. Come sit with me, you're family!" To see, hear, and feel love like that... I mean how can you describe it?

I'll be honest, there are days when I feel totally ugly inside and I wonder how my family can love me. I think we're all like that sometimes, because we are not perfect people and we will make mistakes, sometimes those mistakes will hurt others and we'll be even harder on ourselves. But how about this neverending, unconditional forgiveness and acceptance that we have just waiting on us? I don't know about you, but knowing Christ loves me no matter what has saved me so many times from beating myself up.

I want to share one more piece of information from my study this morning. Mehibosheth literally translates to mean "shame destroyer" or "image breaker." His shame was broken, just like ours is and can be - do not let the fear of asking for redemption or help stop you from reaching out to God. I picture him as this loving dad waiting in a waiting room for you to say something to him that resembles and invitation or a plea and he rushes in to where you are just so he can save you. Imagine a love like that being only a call away, all the time! I'll take it!

What do I hope you take away from this? Call out. Don't be scared to call out. With every breath you take, remember who gives it to you and who wants to give you SO much more... and remind yourself that you are worth it.

Parting thought:

"I have been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me. And the life I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me."

Galatians 2:20

Talk soon.