There are so many thoughts running through my mind and my heart right now - but as I've had this blog post simmering on the backburner of my mind for the past few weeks, I have to share something God has really been impressing on me: Run to me.
Run for dear life
when life threatens to drag you down.
Run to me when you are overwhelmed,
When your heart aches and your soul is weary.
Run to me when you have nowhere to go,
When the walls feel like they're closing in.
Run to me when you can't run away from me any more.
Run to me, Beloved, and I will rescue you.
I don't know if that has any meaning for you, but it's become my lifeline. I have to share something with you. I have been to the Blue Ridge in Boone so many times I can't even tell you - it's where my sister took the picture above this. Sometimes, I find a rock to sit on and I just breathe in what I see. Have you ever hiked to the top of a mountain before? Especially in the winter, when you look around all you see are peak and valley after peak and valley. Sometimes I literally can't breath because I am so overtaken with awe by the scenery and the majesty around me.
My God is like those mountains: limitless. Awe-inspiring and yet very commanding because of the quiet power that sits in those blues and greens that rest quietly for hundreds of years. They are steadfast: they don't go anywhere, you can always count on them to be there when you take your trip and hike to the highest points they offer.
I'm going through a tough time right now. I have shared with you over the past few weeks that I have chosen to give up everything my heart desires to chase God with wild abandon, seeking Him as my life's love and giving up all the "rights" I thought I had for anything more until He gives it to me. It's been the most painful season of my life because I am giving up the very deepest desires of my heart to follow Him - the desire to find true love.
I use this blog as a way to be transparent on this journey in life so that if anyone else goes through something difficult, they can see they aren't alone. So it is that transparency that drives me to tell you that all I've ever wanted in life is to get married and have my own family. I think there's something about that dream that's ingrained in most women from birth, but I have wanted it for so long that it's just a part of who I am. And the breakup I had a few weeks ago has been hard because I really thought he was The One.
He's a great guy but he isn't The One for me - at least not at this moment in our lives. And when I realized that, I also realized I'm done trying to find that man on my own. God will bring him to me when I'm ready, and until then, it's time to give God a chance to win my heart - and keep it. Maya Angelou said "A woman's heart should be so hidden in God that a man has to seek Him just to find her," and I couldn't agree more.
But are we really strong enough to let go of those desires and trust God? I was at the Christian bookstore a few weeks ago buying my new bible study, and I picked up a book called "The Heart Of A Woman." A quote in it tugged at the strings of my heart because it's so true:
"... I didn't feel like I was growing as a woman.
I just felt tired. Like Snow White, my heart fell into a deep slumber.
I know I am not alone in this either.
As woman we still long for intimacy and adventure;
each of us longs to be the Beauty of some great story."
How true is that? Don't we really, truly want to be honored and treasured like the star of a great love story? And if that's at the root of who we are as women - how do we just let those desires go?
You realize that it's much better to be the Beauty of God's love story than your own, and that once we fall in love with Him it'll be so much easier to fall in love with the Right One, when God leads him to us. It'll happen if and when it's supposed to, no matter if we do anything or not. Nothing we can do will rush this part of God's plan for our lives, so embrace the precious time you have now to fall in love with Christ so that that love and that strong foundation lasts through all of the rest of life's peaks and valleys. Because they will come, and it's so much better to live a life based on a solid walk with Christ because he leads us through the dark times and the good, the sweet, joy-filled moments and the ones where our heart breaks.
I was recently talking to my oldest brother about some discouragement I've been dealing with, and he said something so true to me: he said "this is like when you break a bone, and you didn't have it set right the first time so it has to be re-broken so it can heal correctly." Sometimes when God wants us to learn something and we haven't, he'll try again and the second time around it may hurt more. This is NOT because he's an unkind or harsh God - it's because he loves us so much and he wants us to grow so much that knowing how headstrong we are, he knows it'll take a little more to get our attention.
When you were young and you broke a rule, Mom and Dad punished you. When did you learn the lesson: when you were sent to a corner, or when they lightly slapped you on the hand and you tried it again? Sometimes it takes a time-out for it to sink in, and I will just say this: I'm so thankful I have a God who loves me enough to keep trying to teach me the lesson he wants me to learn. Because even though it's painful now, I have absolutely no doubt that when I look back to this season of my life after some time has passed, I will remember the pain but I will also whole-heartedly remember how close I drew to Him as my heart broke, and how much I learned about his love, intense and undying, that he has for me.
I'd pick a love like that any day. Give me Jesus.
Parting thought:
"But now, God's message, the God who made you in the first place, Jacob, the one who got you started, Israel: "Don't be afraid, I've redeemed you. I've called your name. You're mine. When you're in over your head, I'll be there with you. When you're in rough waters, you will not go down. When you're between a rock and a hard place, it won't be a dead end - because I am God, your personal God, the Holy of Israel, your savior. I paid a huge price for you: all of Egypt, with rich Cush and Seba thrown in! That's how much you mean to me! I'd sell off the whole world to get you back, trade the creation just for you" - Isaiah 43:1-4, The Message
Talk soon.
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