With the passage of time, I think it's natural for people to re-evaluate their priorities, their likes and dislikes, their hopes and dreams... and their relationships. I think it just happens, and when it does, you just gotta go along for the ride. It is a sociological fact that our personalities settle in to a groove by the age we're 30: so what does that mean for our personalities? Wouldn't it make sense for things to consistently change until we reach that age?
Recently, I've mainly been re-evaluating my friendships. And I've been asking myself what I really value. Is it someone who has the same values I do? Do they like to do the same things?- maybe they even have the same fashion sense? Of course, the answers to all of these questions are "no." If I only had friendships with people who were exactly like me, I'd be bored out of my mind (and equally shallow). The answers to these questions are really pretty simple: I want a friend who will be a friend back to me. I understand that no two people will be alike, but it's important to be similar in at least one aspect: the effort you contribute to a friendship.
Nobody wants to always be the one who's always the "fallback friend," there when a crisis strikes at 3am and you answer the phone to a teary, upset mess. And nobody ever wants to be the dependable glue that helps to pick up the pieces and put them back together again. What I've found is that when you're in this position... eventually you decide it isn't really a friendship anymore, and you move on. It's never easy, but sometimes you need to do it- for yourself.
The silver lining to this problem, which I think is a universal phenomenon with friendships & relationships everywhere, is that when this happens, not only do you have a chance to look honestly at yourself and re-examine if you have some growing, maturing, and other changes to make in your own life... it also helps you to appreciate the true friendships that you do have. I'm fortunate enough to have two *amazing* sisters, and two fabulous best friends that truly are living examples of the words "true friends." I'm very thankful for them - but they know this already!
I hope that this rant today is the catalyst for one of two things: either you realize you're not alone when you re-evaluate your friendships from time to time (everybody does it)... or it makes you grateful because you know you have some truly great people in your life. As I shared, I'm very grateful for my four best friends- and of course, the other amazing people in my life.
Parting thought:
When we honestly ask ourselves which person in our lives mean the most to us, we often find that it is those who, instead of giving advice, solutions, or cures, have chosen rather to share our pain and touch our wounds with a warm and tender hand. The friend who can be silent with us in a moment of despair or confusion, who can stay with us in an hour of grief and bereavement, who can tolerate not knowing, not curing, not healing and face with us the reality of our powerlessness, that is a friend who cares - Henri Nouwen
Talk soon.
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