Even The Toughest Shatter

I have entered into a new season of my life.

In this season, I have known indescribable heartache... and immeasurable joy.  I told you with my last post that I was taking time for myself.  I've also been taking that time for myself and giving it to Jesus Christ.  I've thrown myself back into the word, going to church, doing my bible study- soon I'll even be active in my first small group!  And I can't wait to share with you what I learn over the next period of my life.

I am in sales, and I travel several days out of the month to territories across this beautiful state.  I recently spent the day on the road, and the coolest thing happened.  In this path for myself, I've put all relationships aside- including the ones with the people I love the most.  I have to get myself right before I can love anyone else.  As I go through some of these growing pains, I turn on 91.9FM.  For a straight hour, song after song after song reaffirms to me, each with its own message, how in love God is with me, what my worth is, how God wants to help me with my troubles... it was absolutely incredible.  At one point it was "I'm Not Who I Was" by Brandon Heath, reminding me that I'm becoming someone new, different than who I was before.  Another was Scott Krippayne's "Sometimes He Calms The Storm," reminding me that sometimes God won't turn off that pressure hose, won't turn it down, but he'll hold me as the pressure blasts me.  I can't even tell you about the encouragement and the joy I felt during that hour of driving on the road.  I couldn't wait to share that all of you guys!

The point of this, as I've said many times before, is to share my trials and tribulations with you so that hopefully, somewhere out there, someone knows they're not the only ones going through the breaking process.  And just like the picture above, sometimes we feel like a beautiful flower caught in the trecherous grasp of an old, rusty wire- with each pull of our petals, the wire seems to catch us even more.  This life will be that way: sometimes we feel like no matter which way we move, either we hurt ourselves or we hurt someone else.  But the essential component of this process is the simple thought that even those who seem like they have nothing to lose, do.  Even the toughest people with the strongest faith will be shaken, and even the proudest individuals with the most self-confidence will shatter.  No one is safe from the trials of this world, sooner or later the events of the days take their toll and we all end up on our knees, crying out.  Christians cry out to a Father they know will save them; people who aren't saved cry out for someone who might be listening that can help ease the pain.  The prayers go to the same entity.

Jesus Christ has shown me more in the past week how much he loves me than I've felt in a long time.  I remember a conversation I had with my mom once where we were discussing how, as Christians, we're called to a higher purpose.  I told her my analogy of life's pressure hose, and she looked at me, straight in the eyes, and told me "Sometimes, I think we're all called specifically to something more.  I've been called to a life of higher obedience than most people, but that higher obedience has also allowed me to feel a closeness with Jesus I think that few are given."  And I think to a degree, I've been called to the same obedience as she is.  I've let relationships go over the years that I couldn't admit weren't right for me.  I've walked away from life choice temptation after another because I knew that it would be like trying to fit a square peg in a round hole, that God wouldn't have been honored if I'd chosen those paths.  These choices were never easy, sometimes they've broken my heart.  But in the end, I've seen a side to my Lord that I probably wouldn't have been able to see, had I not made that choice.  It was by choosing HIS sufficiency, HIS will for my life, what HE wanted for me, that I knew I'd be okay.   All He wants us to do is say "Hey God, I want what YOU want for me," and watch him: He'll rise to the challenge.

I'd like to encourage you to go listen to Jeremy Camp's "I Will Trust In You."  My favorite lyrics are the following:

When I can't see You I know You're there
When I can't feel You I will not fear
I will trust in You and I will not be afraid.
When the battle is close at hand
Though You're with me and help me stand
I will trust in You and I will not be afraid.

When the darkness is close at hand
And I‘m running against the wind
I will trust in you and I will not be afraid.
When I'm standing upon that shore 
All the battles I've gone before
I will trust in you, and I will not be afraid

Don't you just love these lyrics?  I feel like they're so appropriate.  God wants us to know that he loves us SO MUCH he wants to be the one to make the tough decisions in our lives.  I've given him my job, my relationships, my desires, my wishes, my hopes and my dreams.  I don't know that there's much he doesn't have, except the times when I try to strike out on my own path and he lovingly brings me home.  Do you have any idea what it's like to wake up and know that no matter how nasty, grouchy, lost, or brokenhearted you feel - someone else is in charge of how the day ends?  If not, I sincerely challenge you to trust God and see how you feel.  I'm willing to wager you'll sleep soundly at night.

Recently in my bible study, I came across a chapter in Ezekial which struck me to my core.  If you want to know the way God feels about you and what He will do when you wander, check this out.  Chapter 34, starting with verse 11: "...I myself will search for my sheep, and will seek them out.  As shepherds seek out their flocks when they are among their scattered sheep, so I will seek out my sheep.  I will rescue them from all the places to which they have been scattered on a day of clouds and thick darkness."  He's going to come looking for you when it gets too dark for you to see on your own, even if you're scattered far from the flock.  Doesn't that give you insane security?  No matter how far you wander, you'll never be too far from his grasp.  Never.  The truth behind that statement can give me chills... and wait until you see this other side of who He is.  Verse 16: "I will seek the lost, and I will bring back the strayed, an dI will bind up the injured, and I will strengthen the weak..."  Who WOULDN'T want a God like that?? 

Brothers, sisters, and friends reading my writing to try to see what makes me tick.  I'm convinced this life is full of cycles.  Sometimes we're flying high off adrenaline and things couldn't be better, other times we crash and try with all of our own might to drag ourselves out of the rubble.  But if you have a walk with Jesus Christ, you come equipped automatically with a parachute and a one-line "How-To" manual.  "Trust Me" is all it says, but what more do we need to read?

Search for him this week.  Ask Him to reveal who He is in your life.  And remember, God doesn't ever ignore a cry for His mercy or for His presence.  If you cry out for Him, prepare yourself: He will answer.

Parting thought:

God is not a man, that he should lie, nor a son of man, that he should change his mind. Does he speak and then not act? Does he promise and not fulfill? - Numbers 23.19

 Talk soon.

Images above used with permission by Emily Chidester Photography