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| My other quarters, not halves |
Not just because of the coffee. I think back to everything that I endured, all of the trials I faced, all of the breakthroughs I made, and I am so incredibly grateful to be able to be sitting here in my beautiful new place and look back at everything! I understand when people said on New Year's Eve "I am so ready to end this year and have it just be over. I can't handle it anymore, bring on the new year." I have to say though, even though last year was incredibly bumpy, I was just more excited for 2013 because I know I have such great things ahead of me.
2012 can probably be titled my year of transformation. It crystallized for me what the most important things in my life truly are. I endured loss, several people in my life were called home and in every case, I felt it was far too early (but when do we not say that?) My health improved and regressed, ending with an adventure to the Emergency Room that I would much prefer never to repeat. My job has proved to be a source of continued pressure and irritation, continuously challenging me and forcing me to rely on Christ and accept that He has me here, for whatever reason, until He moves me on. I will not deny I pray every day that that day is the day He does cut me from the team and brings me to a starting position somewhere else.
But I also saw God's fingerprints over so many other things that they outshine the negative. I met an amazing guy, and learned a lot about our relationship and more importantly - myself. I saw walls of my heart that I thought were made of steel crumble before my eyes. I began to feel more peace invade my heart, and felt a lot of anxiety flee. My little sister has fast become my best friend, and we have just moved into our second lease together in a beautiful home. The rest of my family and I have grown even closer with all of these relationships becoming the most important in my life. I made several new, strong friendships with some amazing women. And my darling little dog continues to live a happy, healthy life by my side.
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| Love. |
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| My sweet sisters by law, but feels more like blood anyway! |
God is so good to me. I know I don't deserve it, there are times when that thought creeps into my mind and I have to remind myself that I'm not blessed because I deserve it. I'm blessed because he loves me enough to give me these great things. And at times, He has loved me enough to allow some hurtful things to happen in my life - but I grew closer to him because of those things too. It's one of those things where you look back and you think "I probably still wouldn't change that year for anything because of what I learned." Would I bring back the ones I lost? Absolutely. Do I trust in God's timing regardless of how it felt? Yes, most days. I won't lie and say all the time, but that's just my humanly arrogance in thinking I deserve to know more than I actually do.
I won't pledge for 2013 to do all of these ridiculous resolutions that most people do. For one, I go to the gym pretty frequently and am by nature, a healthy eater. Won't waste time promising those things to myself. Instead, I am going to pray that (1) God teaches me to rely totally on him, (2) He continues to strengthen the relationships in my life that I am blessed to have been given, and (3) that He would give me peace with where I am in life. I am not supposed to be anywhere but where I am right now, and I want to be totally okay with that.
I'm also going to be writing in here a heck of a lot more. Not because I think my 5 followers need it, but because there's something about writing that clears my mind - and when can we not use some of that?
Here is to 2013: Rebirth, Regrowth, Redemption.
I am the vine; you are the branches. If you remain in Me and I in you, you will bear much fruit; apart from me, you can do nothing - John 15:5
Talk soon.
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