I Want To Leave a Legacy

As I sit here on the cusp of a new year, I have the urge to reflect on the year that has just swiftly passed before I bid 2009 adieu.

There was so much turmoil and change in this world that it's almost hard to stop the clock from ticking with enough time to consider everything that happened. MJ passed, Natasha Richardson, Brittany Murphy... the economy was plunged even deeper into a recession thanks to our idiot president and his Congressional cronies, the price and cost of living surged along with our deficit and the erosion of family values and morality happened even more quickly.

BUT, there was good.

My brother and my beautiful sister in law were married. I did not lose anyone in my family- and I welcomed several new and great friends into my life. My baby sister has furthered her photography career even more to the point where friends of friends are asking for referrals (YES!)- and my other big brother bought his first home. Both of my parents have continued to be successful in their career, and I moved in with my best friend who has become one of the biggest and most invaluable blessings of everyone in my life. My sister-in-law's sister (default, they have become my family too!) welcomed little baby Landon into the family, her brother Josh graduated college early, and my other best friend of years just got engaged!

God's favor and his fingerprints are all OVER my life and the lives of those I love, and I can honestly say that 2009 has been one amazing year. It was not devoid of personal struggle - I endured yet another melanoma surgery but at least this time the severity of my struggle has sunk into my mind and I'm looking forward with a renewed, responsible perception of what lays before me. I sadly ended friendships that were no longer healthy to be a part of, made mistakes but learned from them, and through it all, discovered new parts of who I am as a woman of God.

I would say that out of everything that happened in my life this year, that would be the biggest triumph. Discovering parts of my identity is an essential part of my growth in Jesus Christ, and it has caused me to ask myself one question: What is my legacy?

People know me now because I love to laugh, I try to be a dependable and trustworthy friend, and I love to encourage people. I have had several people tell me throughout my life that there's a light about me they don't see in anyone else - and every time I tell my middle name (Joy), I get the exact same reaction: that is so perfect for you!

But I want to go even deeper than those things about myself. What do they think about my character? Am I someone they look up to and admire, or do they say "Hey I like this one thing about her, but..." and take exception to the rest of who I am? Would they say I've helped them in their lives, or have I passed them by? My greatest desire throughout my life has been to one day become a wife and then an amazing mother, but even above that, when I die I want to hear just one phrase out of the mouth of my Lord: "Well done, my good and faithful servant."

Have I lived my life so that everything I say and do honors the One who gave me life? Because if I slip up, it's okay, but if I make a habit of asking for forgiveness and repeating the same mistakes, I need to more closely examine what I'm doing with my life. Albert Einstein defined insanity as "doing the same thing over and over, expecting different results." I was not created to be insane, so to avoid that in my life, with 2010 I won't make ridiculous "I won't eat sweets and I won't eat bread and I'll exercise every hour" resolutions. I'll make a simple resolution - the same one I made the middle of this year that completely changed my life and my attitude.

In 2010, I, Kimberly Joy Chidester, resolve to seek God's Will and honor Him with all of me. I resolve to be more humble, to sacrifice more for those I love, and to give more of myself to do God's will, to bind up the brokenhearted and help the lost and broken.

I'd like to invite you to question yourself, to start the journey of discovering what legacy you will leave behind. I shared a picture of my grandfather and me because he is a vital part of who I am today. Most of you know that I'm incredibly passionate about politics and my love for this country. Both of my grandfathers, Austin "Bud" Chidester (pictured above) and Joe Chmura were decorated war veterans from another generation. I spent more time with Poppop Chidester, but both men instilled in me a love for this country, as well as a passion to defend her and the liberties our forefathers fought so hard to gain. I hope that's another characteristic about me that people remember, how much I love America.

As I did my bible study this morning, I stumbled across two verses about God and who He is that really struck me. Phillippians 2:9-11 states "Therefore God also highly exalted him and gave him the name that is above every name, so that at the name of Jesus, every knee should bend, in heaven and on earth and under the earth, and every tongue should confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, and the glory of God the father." WOW. Imagine, just His name instills reverence - and that's without mentioning what He has done for us. The power of the One who died for us, who loves us with all of who He is - and who would do anything for us? Talk about a legacy!

One more verse stuck out to me as I read through the Word. When we feel down in life, it's easy sometimes to slip into what my dad calls the "victim mentality," where everything is "woe is me." When I read these words in Hebrews 2:3, I was really taken aback: "Consider Him who endured such hostility against himself from sinners, so that you may not grow weary or lose heart." When you journey through this path you're on, do not lose heart. Keep fighting the good fight, because one day you'll break through that paper boundary at the finish line and you'll come out the other side thanking God for the trials you've endured.

As this chapter in our lives entitled "2009" closes, I want to speak a blessing over you. It is my hope that this year, you discover the destiny God has set aside for you. That you feel joy and peace, and as you wake up each day, you're greeted by a renewed faith that Jesus Christ will reveal himself to you in a new way with each new dawn.

If there's anything I know about our Father, it is that he is faithful beyond all comprehension. I hope in 2010, you feel that security as much as I have come to.

Parting thought:

If you have made mistakes, there is always another chance for you. You may have a fresh start any moment you choose, for this thing we call "failure" is not the falling down, but the staying down - Mary Pickford

Talk soon.

My God. My Savior. My friend.

It's the beginning of December, and I'm sitting here listening to MercyMe Christmas music, decorating my house for the first Christmas I'll spend here with Jenn. And as I listen to old favorites blaring through the speakers of my Mac, I seem to hear them for the first time in my 24 years of listening.

There's something about the start of the Christmas season that stirs deep inside of my spirit. I think it's a culmination of several things. One, my family. I can honestly say that beginning with the first weekend in December, I have at least one family tradition with one parent every single weekend from then until New Year's. I LOVE them, and I can't wait to share them with my kids (whenever that day comes). Second, there seems to be some charitable part of people that comes out with the wreaths and garlands, where we all remember everyone is human and everyone seems more cheery.

But third? The real reason for Christmas.

I've been sharing my personal journey with you for well over a year now. And as I read back and hear my heart through old posts, I become aware all over again how far I feel like I've come. I've really and truly been brought to the end of myself to the point where the only strong desires I have are the ones to trust God with every part of my life. The time of me trying to do things on my own has, for the most part, given way to a thirst for the will of God in my life. And because I've grown so close to Him, desiring an airtight bond with him that grows with each new morning, I feel like I really understand who He is- and who He wants to be to me and in my life.

Which brings me to Christmas. I know at Easter I was overwhelmed with gratitude and love for Christ, thinking of what sacrifices He made for me, an undeserving sinner who, before Him, had no hope. He saved me from a life that (thankfully!) I'll never know I could've had, and it was that gratitude that has always brought me to tears when I see the Cross. And as I think about Christmas approaching, I have a few thoughts at the forefront of my mind.

One, peace. God has provided for me again and again, even when I thought there was no possible way He could. And as the day of his birth comes approaching at a pace that feels like a locomotive, I think about the Christ I know and I think about how much He means to me now more than ever. Christmas isn't about presents. It isn't about stockings or Christmas trees. It's not about family photos, tacky sweaters, garland and pine candles. It doesn't define itself with sugar cookies, or fully banked fires burning on a snowy night.

Christmas symbolizes the beginning of forever in my mind. An innocent child, born from a virgin (makes me proud to share that with Mary!) who had been miraculously chosen to bring forth the King that would save this world. I don't tear up with emotion because of a present wrapped under a tree. I think about what Jesus was that night, and what he grew to become- and how that saved us. And listening to Christmas carols (I HIGHLY recommend downloading MercyMe's "Joseph Lullaby" if you want to know the best Christmas song out there, and definitely check out the lyrics. I can't even write about how amazing they are!) and thinking about what I'll be buying for my loved ones may be great, but it pales in comparison with the emotions that will be felt on Christmas morning.

As these next few weeks swiftly pass as December 25th approaches, I want to challenge you. Lately I've felt an overwhelming desire to encourage the people that I love the most in my life, and I'd like to challenge you to join me as I attempt to speak love and peace over my loved ones. The next person you talk to, compliment them with a heartfelt compliment. Tell them what they mean to you. Give them a hug. Offer to help a friend or your brother when you know they need it. Take your sister out to coffee. Invite your parents over for dinner. Even something simple like texting a favorite quote to a friend can make a difference. Imagine what kinds of things you need to cheer you up when you're feeling down, and take that to someone who may not even need it. The times in my life where I remember feeling that rush of love from Jesus Christ were when I reached out to one of His children and did something totally random that I felt led to do. Helping the elderly at the grocery store, smiling at the charity bell ringers outside the store - all it takes is one person to make a difference in a big way.

And when you start to get overwhelmed with the Christmas season, remember the picture of Christ that I often have when I think of him, just like the picture above: He loves you because you are His child, so use this season to celebrate what He is and what He has become in your life. I am willing to bet you a 5-course, home-cooked meal that in a matter of a few days you'll notice that the holidays mean more to you than they ever have. Here's hoping that they do!

Parting thought:

You will guard him and keep him in perfect and constant peace whose mind is stayed on You, because he commits himself to You, leans on You, and hopes confidently in You - Isaiah 26:3

Talk soon - and MERRY CHRISTMAS!

My Father's Daughter

In so many ways, I am my father's daughter.

I have my dad's nose. I have his hands. We have the same color hair - and are blessed with the same devilishly good looks (haha). We also have the same sense of humor.

I'm a lot like my mom, there is no denying that. I have her compassion to love, her desire to obey and follow Jesus Christ, and the same servant's heart.

But in so many ways, I am just like my dad.

I'm definitely a daddy's girl - I don't see what's wrong with that. I may be blessed with parents that love me and have been able to provide for me, but they also taught me to work hard, very hard, for what I have- and to never complain. One lesson my dad has taught me that has n e v e r left my heart is this: Never let yourself be the victim. Through all of my skin surgeries, the painful stitches and the aching effects of each new melanoma occurrence, you wouldn't hear me complaining and asking "why me," because I was raised better than that. And it is my dad that I owe that gratitude to.

And as much as I love him (obviously)- it's not my dad that I want to talk about today. The father I want to talk about is a little larger than life - literally. It's Jesus Christ, and today I'd love to show you the picture of him that I've grown to see over the past 24 years of my life.

I've shared with you what I've been through: divorce, deaths, cancer, the whole nine yards. And throughout all of these situations, I've come to the realization that as Christians in a dark and fallen world, we have one choice: Do we use the situation to refine and strengthen our faith - or do we allow it to pry us away from the One solution? I've chosen both options at various times and under different circumstances over my life. And I can tell you with absolute certainty that the best option is the first: trust in Him. Ask Him what He's trying to show you - and if you can't hear or see Him, ask Him to reveal Himself to you. Our God is a God who pursues, He's just waiting for you to ask Him to start the chase.

It's not an easy choice, to let go of your will for His. Trust me, I know because I've learned it. But as you let go, you really do see that God says "Hey little one, you did your part. Let me do mine." I've referenced several different stories in the Bible about obedience over the course of this "devotional," if you will. There are so many awesome parts in the Bible where God's love for us shines so brightly, my favorite being Psalm 45:11: The King is enthralled by your beauty; honor Him, for He is your Lord.

Enthralled? Do you have any idea how heavy that word is? Dictionary.com defines "enthralled" in verb form as "to captivate or charm." It means that Christ can't look away from you, His eyes never leave your sight. That doesn't just apply to women because the word "beauty" is involved, Men :)

What I like to think of is the look a new husband gives his wife when he first sees her as she walks down the aisle toward him and their new life together. Some men tear up, others smile a smile so large it takes up their entire countenance. Regardless, the scene that is so common to so many marriage ceremonies perfectly illustrates the point of what I think God does when he looks at us: he can't take his eyes away from you. He doesn't want to. And it doesn't end there.

He adores us, but He also knows life isn't always easy and fun. there are days when we get stuck down in the mud of the trenches in the battle in this life and it's all we can do to hold onto the white flag of surrender as we realize we can't do it anymore. In those times, especially in my battles and wars, I've found that God's the one holding onto us when we can't hold onto Him. He isn't some omnipotent being in the sky who looks down on us for entertainment.

If that's who He was, would he have allowed himself - and I say "allowed" because he easily could've stopped the crucifixion- to die the most painful death imaginable, reserved for the worst of criminals, just to save us when he was totally innocent? No. Would he have allowed himself to be persecuted for telling the truth, for teaching against doctrines that ruined kingdom after kingdom, dynasty after dynasty? No. Would he have bound up the brokenhearted, rescued the lost, or restored the life of the dead? No.

That's because he's not the kind of God that watches and doesn't do anything. He's a God who saves, who loves, whose heart breaks with ours when we cry wrenching sobs and wonder where he was the whole time, when the answer is clear: beside us as our heart breaks.

Many people don't agree with me because they've allowed this life to pull them away from Him. My hope and prayer is that one day, those same choices and circumstances bring them back. I say this because Jesus Christ is the only hope in this fallen world, the only one whose band-aid can piece together our broken hearts, the only one who's up for the challenge.

What do you say, are you willing to take the risk?

This is one gamble I can promise will pay off. And if you're not ready right now, He'll wait until you are.

Parting thought:

I thank God for the Unseen Hand, sometimes urging me onward, sometimes holding me back; sometimes with a caress of approval, sometimes with a stroke of reproof; sometimes correcting, sometimes comforting. My times are in his hand - Vince Havner

Talk soon.

The Simple Things

In this life, this country, there are so many negative things happening every day that it isn't difficult to lose sight of the good. In fact, it's a whole lot easier to pinpoint the bad.

But sometimes, that isn't the case. Sometimes it's overwhelming how good and fulfilling life can be if you just take time to look around you.

Tonight, I had dinner with my dad at one of my favorite restaurants (score). Over my favorite wine, and in our great conversation, I was given a gift that from this day forward I'm going to carry everywhere with me. My dad, in one of his abounding moments of encouragement, gave me this verse:

So, whatever you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God - 1 Corinthians 10:31.

That really made me think. In this time in my life I'm going through transition. A big transition, where I'm realizing the days of effortless ignorance and carefree living are limited by bills, loans, health concerns, choices about health insurance, thinking about buying a house, and a million other elements that comprise adulthood. It's unavoidable, inevitable, and annoying, but it's all a part of being a mature and responsible adult.

And as time passes with each day, I'm reminded of all of the good things in my life - which is what I want to talk about today.

I've shared before my struggle with melanoma. I just had an "in situ" mole removed with surgery, and before you go and Google that (haha), I'll go ahead and share what it means. In situ means that the cells in your skin may evolve into melanoma and invade other parts of the body- but they haven't transitioned to cancer yet. So, again, my dermatologist and team of specialists, this time a plastic surgeon, have potentially saved my life. I found out today that they did, in fact, get all of the cancerous cells out and I'm cancer f r e e for three months!!! (You should've heard me after my appointment, I was elated).

I've shared with a few people that for some reason, this surgery was the turning-point in my attitude. Melanoma is a death sentence, there's no way to beat it, you can only manage it. And since I've had it since I was 16, the attitude I adopted in the past was, well to be honest, angry. I was angry I was given a burden that heavy to bear so early in my life, when I'm in love with the outdoors and it meant I'll always have to watch what I do, always wear sunscreen... I was angry and resentful that I would have to change my life because of something that was, to a degree, a result of choices I didn't make. Sure I tanned, but melanoma can be hereditary and I couldn't have told my parents to put sunscreen on me when I was 4. So, up until a year or two ago, I still didn't wear sunscreen that often (if at all), and I was lackadaisical about the entire situation.

This surgery changed that mentality. When I looked in the mirror and saw the ugly and angry surgery site with the black stitches in my skin standing out like coal on a white snowman, my stomach sunk and it hit me that this will be my life if I don't stop what I'm doing. And that scared the crap out of me. I have more scars than I can count on my back, and very often I liken it to a battleground in this epic struggle with skin cancer. I don't really enjoy the process of adding more.

And as I sat in my room, thinking about how I want to change these habits of mine, it made me think about my life in general. The people and the situations that have made me who I am. To tell you all of my thoughts and emotions about everything would take forever, so in the interest of time I'd really like to share what's been on my heart most recently.

My family is beyond amazing. They really are. I really only can count on one hand how many people I know that have the kind of relationship with their family that I've been blessed with... we spend a lot, if not most, of our free time together because we want to, and we're always doing something fun or crazy. I live for our Sunday afternoon dinner & football game parties, and I think that the month of December is my favorite (second to October) because we have family traditions that take up every weekend. The only people who stick around in my life are the ones that have the same appreciation for them that I do - and I love this about my life.

I also have some truly spectacular friends... I don't need to name them personally (except Jennifer because she is my best). To say that my friends are loyal and encouraging would be an understatement, and it's easy to share my life with them. I know I could call any of them in the middle of the night and they'd come over, no matter the issue. That is a friend. I've always said a true friend is someone who encourages you to grow and who brings out the best in you... and I can say I'm blessed.

So, this post is in honor of you. As I think about my life and the things that mean the most to me, it becomes very simple: my favorite things are the people I love, and the God I serve. Nothing else ultimately matters anyway, and in the end the things I hold the closest to my heart are the memories I've made with the people in my life and the ways they've helped me to grow and become the woman that I've become today.

So at the risk of sounding much less emphatic and serious I am, the only words I can say are these: Thank you. For what you do, for who you are, and for what you've all brought to my life. I wouldn't be Kimberly without you!

Parting thought:

My imperfections and failures are as much a blessing from God as my successes and my talents and I lay them both at his feet - Mahatma Gandi

Talk soon.

Holding On For Dear Life

I know we've all heard this before, but in this life, "it's the simple things that mean the most."

My life is hectic, and there are always things, situations, people, obstacles revolving in and out. Nobody likes change, I think on a base level if we could stop our lives from spinning and slow them down, we would.

Unfortunately, we can't do that, so we cope and we learn to live life the best we can, a day at a time.

Sometimes, that's a little easier said than done. But the best thing that we can do is to focus on the small things that mean the most to us, the basic pleasures we derive in this life, and sometimes, everything else will stop spinning and come into focus.

Lately I've become aware that my "small things" are my family, my best friend, and my dog. Family is there for you through thick and thin, and mine is no exception. They love me even when I'm at my worst... and that, friends, is what true love and family are really about. My best friend is absolutely priceless, and she has been there for me through the past few months more than I think most people I know... living with her has really been an "iron sharpens iron" kind of friendship, and I'm beyond blessed to be able to share this season of my life with someone as amazing as she is. And my dog? well, I won't deny that she's better than any other dog in this world (need proof? See above picture).

There are days where I feel like I have the weight of the world on my shoulders, and I've chosen at this stage in the game to rely on the One who is always faithful and never fails. I'm far, very far, from perfect. When I'm tired and hungry, I can be super grouchy. If it's a rainy day and it's cold outside, usually it's impossible to motivate me to do anything. Sometimes I can have a temper flare-up that's not very pretty. I laugh at the wrong times, sometimes I say the wrong thing and often, I think without speaking. But you know what? I know that even through those things, I'm still worth a heck of a lot.

I'm actually worth even more than just "a lot." I know in the eyes of my King, I'm priceless, and it's about time I started accepting that. God wants us to take His word seriously, because He's the only entity where we can take His word and believe Him every time. In Genesis 22:15-18, God had asked Abraham to sacrifice his son in the ultimate example of obedience. Abraham did not question God's command, and right before ending his son's life, God stopped Abraham and said this: "The angel of the Lord called to Abraham from heaven a second time and said, 'I swear by myself, declares the Lord, that because you have done this and have not withheld your son, your only son, I will surely bless you and make your descendants as numerous as the stars in the sky and as the sand on the seashore. Your descendants will take possession of the cities of their enemies, and through your offspring all nations on Earth will be blessed, because you have obeyed me." God wants us to take him at his word, that He will provide for us and give us anything and everything that we need - if only we will seek Him and honor Him.

Sometimes, on a good day, that's easy to do. We let go & let God. Other days, in other seasons of our lives, it's not as easy and we struggle to hold on by our fingernails as God takes away the very things we've tried to hold dear because they're not in His plan for us at that time in our lives.

But in time, if it's right, He will either give us those things back - or He'll give us something better. I don't know about you, but if the creator of the world and everything in it wants to give me a present that's exactly what I need, what I want, when I'm ready for it... well, I think I'll just go ahead and choose to wait on His timing.

And in the meantime, I'll hold dear to the simple things in my life that mean so much. Because ultimately, it's not about what I want for myself - it's about what God blesses me with. And here's to hoping that you learn to live day by day as I'm learning to... so far, it's been pretty good :)

Parting thought:

Give your entire attention to what God is doing right now, and don't get worked up about what may or may not happen tomorrow. God will help you with whatever hard things come up when the time comes - Matthew 6:34

Talk soon.

In The Quiet Of The Aftermath

So, this past week has been one of the best weeks of my life. Because I usually use this forum to stay in touch with you guys and keep you on track of my crazy life, I figured this was worth sharing. I think part of it was how amazing of a weekend I had last weekend... and then this week I was able to really experience an outpouring of God's blessing and favor in my life. It was AWESOME! It wasn't even one thing in particular, I think it's just one of those things where when we step into obedience, God's favor just pours out. Not only did I have a great week at work, bringing in two sorely needed contracts - I think I'm finally back to my old self and I spent a lot of time during the days laughing and finding joy in simple things. Who doesn't love that?!

As I reflect over this season of my life, I think I see that another of the many painful storms in my life is nearing a close. I think any seasoned Christian will tell you that there will always be moments in your life where you find yourself facing a storm and you can't always hear or feel God near. Doesn't mean he isn't, but it does mean that we're going through a period in our life where God may be silent. These times are very painful, but they can also be very vital to our walk. My experience has been that these times found in me a desire to pursue a relationship with Jesus Christ with all I have in me- even more than when things were good. I couldn't coast, I couldn't just assume everything would work out without any effort. I had to work, hard, all the time, and sometimes things still don't feel like they'll ever get better. But they will. And after these periods are over, the storm clears and things shine more brilliantly than they seem to ever have.

What I want to do today is to encourage you. Maybe you've found out some difficult news recently and your mind is still spinning, trying to put things together. Maybe you've been calling out in the darkness of your storm and you're aching for an answer. Or, maybe you're in the last drizzle of a storm and you need that extra push to make it out the other side. Whatever your situation, I want to share something: hang on. This life isn't ever going to be easy, it will never glide seamlessly without any problems, but it will be filled with bright spots to break up the storms. One of my favorite quotes is "Nobody ever said this life would be easy, but they did say it would be worth it." I have to agree, because even if things are never perfect, they are exactly as they're supposed to be according to God's plan for my life - and that's enough for me. And if you are having trouble, don't forget - there's always a helping hand waiting, a prayer away. Hang in there.

Parting thought:

Sometimes I hear God most, not in the roar of the storm but in the quiet of the aftermath - me :)

Talk soon.

Back to Basics

I'm back! <3

I'll be the first person to tell you that I'm incredibly blessed. I have an amazing family, priceless friends, a sweet dog, a good job, a great house... but even in my life, sometimes I need a little escape from reality.

This weekend my best friend and I decided to roadtrip to Raleigh. Ok first, the visit to my old stomping grounds was everything I ever couldn't have expected... campus has grown so much and a lot of the places I used to frequent aren't there anymore. Ce la vie. But even as I went back, it was almost like finding a part of me I forgot I had. Don't you love that? Even if it's something small like rediscovering an old favorite coffee shop, going back to Raleigh was like getting a chance to breath. But there was more to it than that. Jenn and I also spent some time with her AMAZING sister and this other kind of cool guy. And being with them, spending time laughing and goofing off all weekend, also gave me some perspective. I went to church with cool guy this morning, and the pastor said something to me that totally caught me off guard.

He said, "If you're thinking of running for a marathon, you don't just go out and run. If you try, you'd fall flat on your face. But what you do do is you train and you prepare and that way you're ready for the race when it comes." Now, I feel like this is for everyone no matter where you are in your life.

For me, I'm getting back to the basics. I know I've shared that with you guys before, but I've been convicted lately of placing other people and other relationships ahead of my God's - and that has been fixed. I'm finally taking time to enjoy life a day at a time. Just me, God, and my amazing family. Minimal planning, no time management - I'm going to enjoy each day with the joy and the blessings we've all been given, and let it go at that.

And in the off chance you're all wondering, what this quote means to me is simple: You can't just jump into the destiny that God has set for you. Take time every day to "train," spend time in the word and in a devotion with him, so that when he starts to reveal day by day the plan he has for you- you're ready. You've learned who He is, you've experienced His sufficiency, and you're waiting with anticipation for what He wants to give you.

This year's been pretty tough, but I've learned one thing: My God is an AMAZING God. He turns you back when you turn away from Him. He doesn't judge your mistakes - I actually am beginning to think he loves you more when you make them because it's when we realize what we've done that we seek him even more and he LOVES that. He never leaves us, even when we try to leave him. And last but least:

Jesus Christ is in love with us, and He loves who we are - but He also loves us too much to let us stay that way.

Aren't you glad that this is the Jesus Christ that's in love with us?

Parting thought:

The art of living does not consist in preserving and clinging to a particular mood of happiness, but in allowing happiness to change its form without being disappointed by the change; for happiness, like a child, must be allowed to grow up - Charles Langbridge Morgan

Talk soon.

Even The Toughest Shatter

I have entered into a new season of my life.

In this season, I have known indescribable heartache... and immeasurable joy.  I told you with my last post that I was taking time for myself.  I've also been taking that time for myself and giving it to Jesus Christ.  I've thrown myself back into the word, going to church, doing my bible study- soon I'll even be active in my first small group!  And I can't wait to share with you what I learn over the next period of my life.

I am in sales, and I travel several days out of the month to territories across this beautiful state.  I recently spent the day on the road, and the coolest thing happened.  In this path for myself, I've put all relationships aside- including the ones with the people I love the most.  I have to get myself right before I can love anyone else.  As I go through some of these growing pains, I turn on 91.9FM.  For a straight hour, song after song after song reaffirms to me, each with its own message, how in love God is with me, what my worth is, how God wants to help me with my troubles... it was absolutely incredible.  At one point it was "I'm Not Who I Was" by Brandon Heath, reminding me that I'm becoming someone new, different than who I was before.  Another was Scott Krippayne's "Sometimes He Calms The Storm," reminding me that sometimes God won't turn off that pressure hose, won't turn it down, but he'll hold me as the pressure blasts me.  I can't even tell you about the encouragement and the joy I felt during that hour of driving on the road.  I couldn't wait to share that all of you guys!

The point of this, as I've said many times before, is to share my trials and tribulations with you so that hopefully, somewhere out there, someone knows they're not the only ones going through the breaking process.  And just like the picture above, sometimes we feel like a beautiful flower caught in the trecherous grasp of an old, rusty wire- with each pull of our petals, the wire seems to catch us even more.  This life will be that way: sometimes we feel like no matter which way we move, either we hurt ourselves or we hurt someone else.  But the essential component of this process is the simple thought that even those who seem like they have nothing to lose, do.  Even the toughest people with the strongest faith will be shaken, and even the proudest individuals with the most self-confidence will shatter.  No one is safe from the trials of this world, sooner or later the events of the days take their toll and we all end up on our knees, crying out.  Christians cry out to a Father they know will save them; people who aren't saved cry out for someone who might be listening that can help ease the pain.  The prayers go to the same entity.

Jesus Christ has shown me more in the past week how much he loves me than I've felt in a long time.  I remember a conversation I had with my mom once where we were discussing how, as Christians, we're called to a higher purpose.  I told her my analogy of life's pressure hose, and she looked at me, straight in the eyes, and told me "Sometimes, I think we're all called specifically to something more.  I've been called to a life of higher obedience than most people, but that higher obedience has also allowed me to feel a closeness with Jesus I think that few are given."  And I think to a degree, I've been called to the same obedience as she is.  I've let relationships go over the years that I couldn't admit weren't right for me.  I've walked away from life choice temptation after another because I knew that it would be like trying to fit a square peg in a round hole, that God wouldn't have been honored if I'd chosen those paths.  These choices were never easy, sometimes they've broken my heart.  But in the end, I've seen a side to my Lord that I probably wouldn't have been able to see, had I not made that choice.  It was by choosing HIS sufficiency, HIS will for my life, what HE wanted for me, that I knew I'd be okay.   All He wants us to do is say "Hey God, I want what YOU want for me," and watch him: He'll rise to the challenge.

I'd like to encourage you to go listen to Jeremy Camp's "I Will Trust In You."  My favorite lyrics are the following:

When I can't see You I know You're there
When I can't feel You I will not fear
I will trust in You and I will not be afraid.
When the battle is close at hand
Though You're with me and help me stand
I will trust in You and I will not be afraid.

When the darkness is close at hand
And I‘m running against the wind
I will trust in you and I will not be afraid.
When I'm standing upon that shore 
All the battles I've gone before
I will trust in you, and I will not be afraid

Don't you just love these lyrics?  I feel like they're so appropriate.  God wants us to know that he loves us SO MUCH he wants to be the one to make the tough decisions in our lives.  I've given him my job, my relationships, my desires, my wishes, my hopes and my dreams.  I don't know that there's much he doesn't have, except the times when I try to strike out on my own path and he lovingly brings me home.  Do you have any idea what it's like to wake up and know that no matter how nasty, grouchy, lost, or brokenhearted you feel - someone else is in charge of how the day ends?  If not, I sincerely challenge you to trust God and see how you feel.  I'm willing to wager you'll sleep soundly at night.

Recently in my bible study, I came across a chapter in Ezekial which struck me to my core.  If you want to know the way God feels about you and what He will do when you wander, check this out.  Chapter 34, starting with verse 11: "...I myself will search for my sheep, and will seek them out.  As shepherds seek out their flocks when they are among their scattered sheep, so I will seek out my sheep.  I will rescue them from all the places to which they have been scattered on a day of clouds and thick darkness."  He's going to come looking for you when it gets too dark for you to see on your own, even if you're scattered far from the flock.  Doesn't that give you insane security?  No matter how far you wander, you'll never be too far from his grasp.  Never.  The truth behind that statement can give me chills... and wait until you see this other side of who He is.  Verse 16: "I will seek the lost, and I will bring back the strayed, an dI will bind up the injured, and I will strengthen the weak..."  Who WOULDN'T want a God like that?? 

Brothers, sisters, and friends reading my writing to try to see what makes me tick.  I'm convinced this life is full of cycles.  Sometimes we're flying high off adrenaline and things couldn't be better, other times we crash and try with all of our own might to drag ourselves out of the rubble.  But if you have a walk with Jesus Christ, you come equipped automatically with a parachute and a one-line "How-To" manual.  "Trust Me" is all it says, but what more do we need to read?

Search for him this week.  Ask Him to reveal who He is in your life.  And remember, God doesn't ever ignore a cry for His mercy or for His presence.  If you cry out for Him, prepare yourself: He will answer.

Parting thought:

God is not a man, that he should lie, nor a son of man, that he should change his mind. Does he speak and then not act? Does he promise and not fulfill? - Numbers 23.19

 Talk soon.

Images above used with permission by Emily Chidester Photography

noT noW.

Sometimes when I look at the majesty of the mountains, the sight alone can take my breath away.  There's something about the sloping peaks, the way the colors phase from blue to green to a deep brown, the way the air gets so thin and cool the higher you go - I don't know what exactly it is, but something about those sloping hills makes me revel in the awesomeness that Is Jesus Christ.

In my dad's house, we have a picture that has been passed down through several generations of the phrase "NoT NoW," the T is a cross and the W is a crown.  My sister and I always argue with my dad that it says "Not now," he tells us it's supposed to be "No cross, no crown," but to me, it's a clear statement from God telling me that it's about HIS time, not mine.

I've just today entered into a new season of my life where I'm getting back to the basics.  I love all of the people in my life, but I'm focusing on myself now and my relationship with God be the main one in my life.  I'm letting all other relationships fall to the side for awhile.  I'm taking time to be alone, to grow, to focus back on the core of who I am and who I've been created to become.  It's not easy.  Saying goodbye to things in my life that I care deeply for breaks my heart, but as that picture says, "Not now."  This time needs to be about me, about my God, and about His love, immeasurable and indescribable as it is.

When I look at the mountains and a shadow passes over them, like in the picture above, it reminds me that in this lifetime, things will happen where the light is blocked out and all we have are moments and spots of darkness.  It won't always stay black and difficult to navigate, but for the moment, you won't be able to see your way.  This is one of those times.  I'm having to totally trust on the capabilities of my heavenly father, that He will provide for me and that He will guide me.

That's why I said I'm going back to the basics.  In the bible, the disciples would often notice that Jesus would disappear for long hours at a time, totally unaccounted for and unable to locate.  He wouldn't tell them where He was going; He'd just go.  Finally, one day they realized that when He was leaving, He was going to meet with His father, to cry out, beseech, vent, and search for God.

We all need to do that sometimes.  Cry out.  Beg for His rescue.  Search for Him with all that we have.  And friends, as I share with you that on my journey I've done this so many times, I can also tell you that it has been SO worth it.  To see myself as God sees me would be the easiest way to sum up my heart's desire- and I can tell you one thing.  I can say without a doubt that Jesus Christ WILL reward your obedience.

Today, I take up my cross and I follow Him.  He's the only entity that will never lead us astray, only to the best thing for us will He take us.

Will you join me?

Parting thought:

You will seek Me, and you will find Me, when you search for Me with all your heart - Jeremiah 29:13.

Talk soon.

Jars of Clay

Today in church, Pastor Furtick said something that made my mind wander.  We started a new series called "Give. Me. Faith."  He was talking about the refining process in life, and how God does allow things to mold and break us so that we grow to become the men and women that He created us to be.

It made me think.  I love the band Jars of Clay, and so does Jeb, the man I'm dating.  We listen to it in the car sometimes, and as Pastor Furtick was talking about the refining process I thought back to when I was a lot younger and I realized where Jars of Clay got their name from.  It's from the bible verse in 2 Corinthians 4 that states:  ⁷But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us. ⁸We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; ⁹persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed. I'm sure that they have their own reason for naming the band, but partly it was based on this verse.  And as I got to seriously thinking about what this verse means, I got a visual picture of how a clay pot is formed.

As the potter takes the wet clay and puts it on the spinning stone where he will fashion it into a pot, there are a few steps that you have to follow.  The first is that you place the clay on the wheel.  Then, you press the spinner pedal as he takes his hands and moves them up and down, shaping the clay to stand and then pressing it down back again onto the wheel to condition the clay to be workable.  Then, as he continues to press the pedal, he gently kneads the clay into the shape of the pot he desires, smoothing out imperfections and rounding his hands up and down and in and out, making sure that no spot or blemish goes un-smoothed.  After the clay has been smashed back to the wheel and reworked, and after it has been shaped by the potter, it is then glazed and fired in an intense oven for a variable amount of time before it comes out, a beautiful representation of hard work and a lot of time.

We're that clay pot.  As Pastor Furtick spoke about the refining process and I got the visual of the clay pot, it hit home more than ever that Jesus Christ is the potter and we are the clay.  He gently places us in situations where we have no clue what to do, we're new clay that has yet to be conditioned.  As the situation unfolds, He provides us with wisdom and strength (when we're smart enough to turn to him) as He works his hands over and in our lives so as to smooth out our blemishes.  Once we think we've been through the ringer and there's not much left to learn- that we've learned it all, He finishes the process by firing us up to bring out any more impurities.  Once we've been through the fire and we've come out the other side, we're a priceless vessel that's the perfect example of how Jesus Christ is always present in our lives, no matter if we like what he's doing or if we do not.  We couldn't become a finished product without the fire or without the spinning wheel or even without the hands that shaped us, even when we were stubborn clay that fell and collapsed and did everything it could not to cooperate with the hands of the potter.

I'm going through a refining process in my own life right now where God's trying to teach me that HE is sufficient.  I don't need to do things on my own anymore, and he's put people in my life to prove to me that sometimes it's okay to lean on them.  I don't exactly know why he's doing what he's doing, but I can tell you this: as much as I don't like the process, I thank the Lord that he loves me too much to let me stay the way I am.  It hurts, a lot, and sometimes I get so frustrated because I can't see what he's trying to show me.  But that's a part of my life, that's a part of this world, and I share it with you because I want you to know you aren't alone.

We all struggle.  I'm going to go for honest disclosure here because that's the point of this blog: since I was 8 years old, I've been very headstrong and very independent because of my parents' divorce.  I learned from an early age to not lean on anyone, to try to be totally self-sufficient emotionally and mentally and not to depend on anyone but myself.  In my walk with God, it's been difficult for me to give up "control" that I think I have and accept that I can't do it, that I have to have His help.  In my relationships, it's meant that I do everything I can to help myself and fix my life and then with whatever is left that I couldn't fix, I would only share parts of my heart with those that were in my life because that way, they can't fail and hurt me because I haven't really let them in.

I mentioned that I'm dating someone, and part of the biggest lesson I've learned by dating Jeb is that you can't have any kind of a healthy relationship without talking honestly about everything- even when you're upset and in the middle of a fight, or when you're so tired you can't even find the words.  I've seen that some of the times when I've felt the closest to him were after we had an argument and I sacrificed my pride and told him exactly why I was upset instead of turning and walking away from the issue.  These are the moments when I, or he, have been totally honest with each other and I've felt an "AHA!" moment because another wall was broken down for me and as a result of that, also in our relationship.  I know that I couldn't have had that moment a year, even six months, ago because I wasn't at the point in my process where I wanted to make the sacrifice to have a healthy relationship with anyone.  I've learned that letting him in has been worth the sacrifice, I'm learning to lean on someone because I really think God wanted me to learn that it's okay to do that, as long as I keep my eyes focused on the cross and on His sufficiency in my life, and recognize the earthly help as a blessing from him.  My God is sufficient, He is enough, He is faithful, but sometimes, it's in his plan for people on earth to help us and for us to let them in.  Now I am, and I can tell you, without the process, I wouldn't be where I am.  And I'm beginning to really like where I am.

Another thing Pastor Steven mentioned today was a lot about what it means to have "old fashioned faith."  There was one thing he said that stuck with me, and that was this:  "Old fashioned faith means that you don't know what God will provide or do, but you believe in Him and His power even if He doesn't do it."  That's seriously deep, because he's talking about a faith that remains even when circumstances, even when feelings and emotions, even when everyone in our life is telling us that we're wrong, even when everything fails us - we choose to believe that He is God.

It's a daily choice, it's a daily conditioning of the mind, and choosing to pick up your cross and follow Him is one of the easiest things to say but most difficult things that we're probably every going to have to do.  I have a feeling, deep in my heart, that we're all capable of doing this- even if we have to sacrifice or do things that make us feel uncomfortable because it's change and it's new.

Brother, or sister, as you read this, I hope you hear the sincerity of my heart and the truth of what I've shared.  I've been down this road.  It never ends, it's full of potholes, peaks, valleys, rainy thunderstorms and torrential downpours.  If you've been on this road, we've passed each other, so I hope that you understand you're not alone.  Neither of us are, because even when we're being fired in the kiln of this earth, our potter is always beside us, making sure that we come out as he intended after it's over.  I love my best friends and my family and Jeb, but there is no love for them that matches what love I have for the potter.  For it is the potter, and the potter only, that has loved me and is conditioning me to set me free from the struggles and pains of this world.  

He is Sufficient.

He is Faithful.

He is Neverending.

And I hope that you question your life as you read about mine, because the Potter's waiting for you to begin to wonder about Him.  He'll never stop.

Parting thought: 

After the refining process has begun, there are different places where you can really experience the freedom of a life lived with Him.  Sometimes I liken these moments to the flight of an Eagle, and I love this bible verse in Isaiah 40: (31) But those who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength, they shall mount up with wings like eagles.  They shall run and not be weary, they shall walk and not be faint.

Talk soon.

*Note: If you're curious about my amazing pastor or the phenomenal sermons that I experience every Sunday, check out www.elevationchurch.com - be careful, it'll be a life-changing experience*

Peaks and Valleys

Because this is supposed to be an area where I'm honest, I want to open my heart to you guys.  This life on this Earth isn't supposed to be easy.  We were meant to struggle, bend, and break.  And as we learn how to crawl, then to stand, and then to walk on our faith in Jesus Christ, we go through different phases in our walk with Him.  These peaks and valleys are normal and they're a part of this life.  Sometimes we feel like our cup is overflowing with His love and peace, other times we feel like we've hit a stretch of desolate road where we're the only passenger.  But regardless of how we FEEL during these times, truth remains: that we're not alone.  Jesus is our pilot, we're the passenger, and no matter what we think is true or right, as the Bible says, "He will never leave or forsake you."

Today was a really tough day for me.  Now granted, I didn't need to stay out late, but I did.  But when I woke up, one thing after another seemed to slam into me at an alarming rate.  Didn't quite get to work exactly when I wanted to.  Got stuck behind traffic (again).  Get into work and feel like no one will ever call me back.  Call the vet because my princess injured her foot and all I am able to get out of the technician is that it's important I bring my dog in to be checked out, which I knew would be the tune to at least $50.  Again.  Find out that a dear family friend will endure open heart surgery tomorrow and all I can do is pray.  At around 10:30am, I text the man I'm dating and ask him to pray for me, for strength.  He called me immediately, and as we prayed, I started to feel a shift in my attitude.  No longer was I filled with anxiety and guilt over my baby, or fear of the unknown.  As he prayed that God would bless me with a contagious joy, I felt my heart growing lighter, and after we ended our phone call I slipped in my earbuds and seriously jammed out to worship music.

My day improved.  It took a gradual infusion of supernatural strength and love- but it improved.  And as I think about everything that happened today that is slightly positive - there's a pretty good chance that my dog will heal naturally, on her own without any surgery.  Our family friend, while the situation feels bleak, is able to be scheduled for surgery for tomorrow.  I didn't get two speeding tickets on my way home.  I was able to buy all the new furniture I need for my townhouse.  As I think about these things, I'm reminded that even in the valleys, when all I can feel is that quiet fear squeezing my heart and my lungs with its cold fingers, that things WILL be okay.  I'm NOT alone.  And although I feel like right now I'm walking through the desert, some days in a valley and other days on a peak, I'm reminded that I have a constant companion.  

I'm meeting with a friend tomorrow to discuss the basic fundamentals of Christianity.  And as I think about the things I want to share that I've learned, it makes me question myself.  Am I living a life that praises the Lord?  Do people look at me and see Him?  Am I living my life so that if a child were to watch me, they'd mimic me and it would be a positive habit?  I ponder these questions, and I realize I have a long way to go before I feel like I'm "done" growing (like that ever even happens! HA!) but I also know I've come a long way too.  The map of my life is only a quarter of the way done, which leaves me plenty of time to serve Him with all that I do.  Starting with today.  So if you feel like you're alone in this journey of life, always remember that your constant companion is only a glance away on your right side.  He will NEVER leave you, He will NEVER forsake you.  He will ALWAYS love you, regardless of what you do or what you're going through.

His love is the only completely and totally unconditional love we'll never have to earn- and that we'll never lose.

Parting thought:

Trust in the Lord with all your heart, never rely on what you think you know. Remember him in everything you do and He will show you the right way - Proverbs 3:5.

Talk soon.

Image used with permission of Andrea Chidester**

Carpe Diem!

As I'm writing this, I won't deny that tears are falling down my cheeks.

I've mentioned on here before that I love this country with everything that I have in me.  That's not a secret, I've made it pretty clear!  But what I haven't shared is that this war in Afghanistan is about to get personal.  That's because someone very special, who has been in my life for over 13 years, is going to be deploying to the infantry of the front lines of that country today to defend our freedom.  He'll be gone for 7 months, and the reason why I'm crying is because it's a very real fear that exists that there is always a chance he won't come home.  That reality is too painful to consider, but to be honest, it's there.

The troops of our brave men and women in the military that defend our freedom, our honor, our ability to live a normal life fight every day and sometimes, pay the ultimate price for our freedom with their lives.  It's easy for us to forget exactly how costly this war has become, not in terms of fiscal burdens but in terms of emotion.  This man in my life leaves behind loving parents, a sister and a future brother in law, countless friends- and me.  I've cared for him since we were young, and those feelings don't go away.  I love him.  He knows this, I know, and as I send him off from the Carolinas (can't be in Alaska for the official goodbye), I send him off knowing he understands my heart and my thoughts.

Sometimes, I wonder if that's enough.  Painful things happen in this life, and sometimes that pain catches us off-guard with a sucker-punch to the ribs as it steals away our breath.  And as my sister and I talk about life and what it means that this man is leaving... it really makes me think about the times in my life I've loved and lost.  Death is final, at least while we're on Earth - and then it changes when we get to Heaven.  I lost a dear friend in high school unexpectedly- but I've never been more sure of anyone that I'd see them again in Heaven than when Drew went to be with the Lord.  Grandparents, uncles, even other friends, I've had to say goodbye to.  Some I was blessed enough to lose with no regrets, others not so much.  But isn't that the point of this life?  We're supposed to live each day, fully, as they happen - and not pine for the days that have already passed.

This life was not meant to be lived with our nose buried in our past mistakes.  I've grown to believe even more recently that God intends for us to accept his forgiveness for our sins but to use that grace that he gives us, and show other people the true meaning of this life.  I'd like to share a few fundamentals that my trials and tribulations have revealed to me:

1: Live fully.  Putting up walls to keep out pain only prevents you from accepting love, grace, forgiveness, and even joy - all things that make this painful life worth living.

2: Have no regrets.  Jesus Christ gave forgiveness for everyone when he sacrificed his life on the cross for us at that hill on Calvary, so why can't you accept it?  As you come to him and ask him to forgive you for cussing at your brother, for cutting off that lady at the traffic light - he forgives you and then lets it go.  According to 1 Corinthians 13, "love keeps no record of wrongs." And since Jesus Christ is in love with you ... looks like you're in luck.

3. Never let a day go by without telling someone how you feel.  Waiting as long as I have to speak freely with someone about something I should have said awhile ago made me grateful for the chance I had to talk with him before he left.  I was able to tell my grandfather and my grandmother that I loved them close to when they passed.  I've totally ended my relationship with the man I thought that I was going to marry, the one I'd mentioned before, because I realized that he wasn't who God intended for me and I knew it was over (HUGE change, but a good one, nonetheless.  I'm glad I did it!)  I'm glad I ended it though- for myself.  And I am glad that I have begun to live my life a day at a time, telling my loved ones and the special people in my life how much they mean to me.  I don't do it out of fear that I'll never get the chance again - I do it because I truly want them to know how I feel.  

This life is far too short to plan ahead, as I'm learning.  That takes the focus off of what you could be doing right now to enjoy life, and wastes valuable time by looking ahead.  And as my soldier leaves the ground of the grand United States of America, hopefully I'll begin to treasure each day specifically as it's given to me.  No more planning into next year, no more organizing or arranging so that life flows.  Life flows the best when it's lived as it was intended: a dinner, a burst of loud raucous laughter, or a  movie at a time.  Here's to hoping that you, too, can realize how precious time and life are - and seize the moment.  We're only given one life.

Let's do it up right.

Parting thought:

Just be - my mom.

*Photo used with permission if Illuminare.Images*

The Eternal Question

What's my purpose?

At one point or another in our lives, we've all asked this question to ourselves - or to people that we know and trust.

Sometimes, it can tie our stomach up in knots and causes a cold sweat to break out on our necks as anxiety squeezes our lungs and makes us start to breath a little faster.

But mostly, it causes us to reflect on ourselves and where we've come from that has brought us to where we are.  I'm a firm believer that Jesus Christ knew exactly what he was doing when he created this world, this life, and us to walk this Earth.  There's nothing in me that questions that.

I think that our purpose as Christians is to live a life that pleases him, that causes people to ask us what makes us different so that we can share the word of God with them.  Plain and simple.  Some people call it "furthering His kingdom," I prefer to call it "spreading the good news."  Whichev, we're not here to argue semantics.

Tonight I caught up with an old friend, and she asked me what my little sister was up to these days.  Now, for most of you followers and friends who periodically drop in to read my page, you know that I'm as proud as I can be about my beautiful little sister.  And her photography?  Don't even get me started.  Not only is my sister someone that I am *very* proud to have in my family, she's also my best friend, and I say all the time that she is growing into a phenomenal woman, inside and out.  Well, as I was updating my family friend on my sister's whereabouts, I started to think about what my sister will end up doing with her life once she's done with school.  Easy: she is going to be a photographer in Africa, working with missions.

She's said that since day one, ever since I can remember.  One thing I love, and sometimes struggle to appreciate, about my darling mini-me is that she sees in black and white, no gray.  When she says something, she'll stick to it.  So there is no lee-way with her dreams.  She will photograph children and war and God in Africa.  

And as I shared this with my friend, it struck me that I envy my sister's steadfast determination.  I love my life, I have a wonderful job - but am I where I ultimately want to be?  I've always seen myself working with pregnant, unwed mothers and children- or the elderly.  Am I on a stepping stone to a greater purpose for my life, or is this it?  So many times we rush through the day and we don't stop to take a second to look in the mirror and study ourselves.  What's missing?  What could we be doing that might ease the wrinkles slowly gathering at our eyes and at our lips?  

There is absolutely nothing in the world wrong with the other dreams I have for myself: I'd like to be a wife, then a mother, I'd like to stay a friend and be dependable for those in need.  I'd like to serve the down and out, and I'd like to give my free time to someone who needs love and hope.  I want to serve my Lord, Jesus Christ, with all of me - and my heart's desire is that he will continue to provide me with opportunities to do just that.

Today, I'd like to challenge you to go and pause in front of a mirror that's near you.  Look in your own beautiful eyes- and ask if something is missing.  Because if there is, there's nothing stopping you from going out and getting that missing puzzle piece.  We only have one life to live -  here's to hoping you live it well.

Parting thought: 

I like living. I have sometimes been wildly, despairingly, acutely miserable, racked with sorrow, but through it all I still know quite certainty that just to be alive is a grand thing - Agatha Christie, Autobiography (1977)

Talk soon.

*Image used with permission from illuminareimages.blogspot.com

Through The Silence, I Hear Him

My God is not absent.

A lot of times, people think that God's not in their lives because he hasn't given them what they want, when they want it.  Today in church, my pastor reflected on the last lesson of a series they've been doing called "God Is..." and the goal is to try to sum up Jesus Christ in 30 minutes. Okay, obviously Jehovah cannot be canned into a 30 minute speech... but there are a few very important things I've taken away from the series.

The main, and most vital, lesson about this is that God is always there.  Even when you can't sense him.  You can't hear him.  You can't see him.  As my sister said about this photo: and in the midst of silence, you hear Him most.  She's totally right.  Sometimes in the middle of the storm, it's easy to lose track of his voice.  Sometimes the wind is ripping the things that you've held dear out of your life by the roots and you feel like you'll never get them back.  Sometimes the biting, driving rain pelts your skin so hard that you feel like the pain won't ever end.  For me, sometimes the cold and the lonliness of the winter makes me feel like no one will ever understand what I'm going through.  But sometimes, in those quiet moments when you're alone and there's no one else around, you hear the voice of Jesus Christ whisper to the innermost part of who you are and it suddenly all clicks.  He's been there the whole time, but we really haven't been listening.  Or, maybe we were listening but there were too many distractions preventing us from understanding.

One time, my oldest brother said something to me that hit the nail squarely on the head for where I was at that time in my life.  He told me, "Kim, I know where you are.  You're in a room with seven CD players all blasting music at full impact and you just don't know what to do."  He was right - sometimes I have so much "noise" in my life that I can't really see what God's trying to show me... or, sometimes it's just that I don't want to see.  I know I'm not alone in making that choice, and I'm not ashamed to admit that because it's the truth.  Sometimes what God is requiring of me is the most painful choice I have to make, given my options.  But as I think about who my God really is, I understand that it isn't that God is some angry man in the sky...

The truth about Jesus Christ is that he loves and adores us more than we could ever possibly hope to understand, and he's waiting patiently for us to turn to him and say "Hey God? Can you turn off the music?" We weren't created to endure nonstop heartache, we were created to have the urge to turn to someone to make it all better.  The mistake we make is to turn to people and expect them to provide the band-aids we need.  The solution is to realize that God's band-aid is the only one that will fit.

Another realization I've had is that I don't have to fight my way through life anymore.  Just like an angry, growling pit bull guarding a junk yard, Jesus Christ is prepared to station himself at the door of your heart and protect its precious contents.  He doesn't get distracted by cuts and bruises in a battle.  He sends in his warriors to fight on your behalf so that you don't have to.  Granted, choosing to let Him take over can sometimes be the most painful part of it.  Whether it's your finances, your relationships, your wants and desires and dreams for your future... sometimes you may feel like you know better than He does.  

But, you couldn't be more wrong.

GOD knows what's best for us even when we think we know ourselves.  He did create us, after all... so why not let the creator of who you are show you how he can protect you?  I always tell people that if the creator of the universe, the entity that crafted the stars in the dark night sky, the oceans that pulse over the surface of this Earth, and the millions of unique people that walk this planet... if He did all of that but he still took his precious time to craft you and make you unlike anyone else, don't you think he cares about you?

Lately, I've been letting him fight my battles.  I have scars to prove I tried to fight some on my own, but the wisdom those lessons afforded me are still something I wouldn't trade for anything.  I have tumbled and fallen to the bottom of the hill, scraped, bloody, bruised, and looked up to see a hand that pulled me to my feet to wipe away the tears and make it all better.  If I hadn't tumbled, I wouldn't have learned who He is.

As one of the guest pastors of my church said a few weeks ago, "If we didn't experience the pain of loss, how would we know of God's provision?"  It isn't until you're at the end of yourself that you can see His purpose for your life.  The journey is full of potholes, cliffs, rifts in the road, and you'll fall into them.  That's pretty much a given.  But when you make your way out with His help, you can't imagine the sunset you experience as the way you knew your life before, ends.

I'm telling you, that view, like the picture above, makes the entire journey worth it.

Parting thought:

Though at times the storms and stress of life
may cause my faith to quake,
the very faithfulness of God
no storm shall ever shake.
Though I may quake and tremble,
may worry and may sorrow,
God in His faithfulness will see
me through each new tomorrow.
I think God allows our problems
to give our faith a test,
to show that as we lean on Him
we can trust His faithfulness.
God warned us we'd face troubles
in this world we're living in
but Jesus died and lives again
to save our soul from sin.
He came not to change the world
but to change our heart and soul,
to give us hope and courage
to attain our fondest goal…
to blaze a trail before us
guide us safely through the "morrow,
to teach us and to comfort us
despite this world of sorrows,
if we keep faith and follow
God in His constant faithfulness
will surely lead us through
and will in time all grief arrest.
All we need to do is trust Him,
believe, just do our best,
to follow as He leads us
and let Him do the rest.
In Christ we can not be defeated
in this world by anything
if instead of being overwhelmed
we trust God in everything.
By trusting in God"s faithfulness,
in His omnipotence,
we too can overcome the world
and live with confidence.
God understands our weakness,
knows where we're coming from
but by trusting in His faithfulness
our own faith will overcome.
God wants us to lean on Him
when problems come around.
Faith is getting up again
more times than we are down.
God will carry us if need be
in those times we're hardest hit
if we believe, just lean on Him
and don't give up and quit.
He will not leave us for a moment.
Even in troubles we are blest
for God is always with us
and we can trust His faithfulness.

- A Bromley

Talk soon.

*Images above used with permission of Illuminare.Images*

A Swiftly Passing Moment

Sometimes, I'll just be driving in my car and I'll have an epiphany: I'm not so young anymore.

I know this year marks the 24th of my life. I know that. And to some people, it may seem like it's ridiculous to say that I feel like I'm already old... but to be honest, I've been through so much already in this life that it feels sometimes like I am an old soul.

So on these days when I have this realization, I always think of when I go to the beach, and I pick up a handful of glittery golden sand.  I like sand on the beach at night because it's cool to the touch and it just feels softer.  I love to pick up a handful of sand and let the grains slowly and gracefully sift their gritty way through my fingertips, back to its foreign home as a neighbor to the sea.

Life's a lot like that sand.  I'll never be able to pick up the same grains again, no matter how carefully I drop the grains or how particular I am with how it falls back to the ground.  And like the slow motion of the sand drifting back to the sea of gold under my toes, I'll never be able to get back a moment of my life after it's passed.

Even just this week, the world has lost three big names in the race of life.  And as I have endured one trial after another these past few days, I've allowed room for introspection.  What is TRULY important?  If I only get that handful of sand back, what would I have done differently?

So lately I've been trying to enjoy my life with each new day.  Laugh.  Drink a second glass of your favorite wine.  When you feel the urge to go talk to someone you don't know- do it.  The other day I ran into an old high school teacher whose faith and kind spirit always stood out to me - so I told him, even though there's no way he remembered who I was.  I walked away really glad that I had, because you never know how God is going to use you or what you say to someone else.

Buy a hammock and swing on it on a quiet summer night with someone that you care about- stare at the stars, open yourself up to them.  Take time to play an extra five minutes with your dog.  Go for a run before a rainstorm, enjoy the fresh air that accompanies the thunder.  There are so many things in this world that are so easy to do and that can seriously improve the quality of your life if you'll just stop to enjoy them.  I lost my grandfather last year, suddenly, and to this day I still wish he was here so that I could call him and we could rant about the crappy job our president is doing, or talk about golf, or have him rib me because I promised to send him something that I haven't gotten around to yet.  My heart aches sometimes because I know he isn't coming back to me - but as much as I miss him, I don't regret anything because he left this earth and he knew exactly how much I loved him.  I'd always take a minute to call him on Veteran's Day, or tell him how much I appreciated him when I was hanging out with my Dad and we called him together.  That ache won't go away, but the satisfaction of knowing I chose to take a minute to enjoy my grandfather as he was will always stay with me.

I have the battle scars to prove that life on this Earth is anything but easy.  Frankly, my scars are nothing compared to those of Jesus Christ, so when I have a bad or difficult day, I try to keep it in perspective.  He's blessed us with the neverending gift of a brand new day every 24 hours.  Tomorrow, use yours to go and do something unexpected.  And as you do this,

Enjoy the satisfaction of knowing you are living a life well lived.

Parting thought: 

Do not pray for easy lives; pray to be stronger men. Do not pray for tasks equal to your powers;pray for powers equal to your tasks. Then the doing of your work shall be no miracle, but you shall be a miracle. Every day you shall wonder at yourself, at the richness of life which has come to you by the grace of God. - Phillips Brooks

Talk soon.

*Image used with permission from Illuminare.Images*